All New Low

Yes I'm pregnant, but I'm also (largely) not a drama queen. I can actually survive standing on the tube for the fifteen seconds it takes between my two stops, and as often as I'm kindly offered a seat I always decline because at that point the seat's current occupant will get significantly more use and benefit from it than I will. I also don't expect the crowd of commuters to part like the fucking Red Sea because I'm walking through a crowded train station, I can quite happily continue to filter through same as I always have, albeit maybe a touch slower.

But, and right now this is a pretty fucking big but given that I'm genuinely angry for the first time in a long time, I would expect people to maybe show a bit of consideration if they knock into me. I'm not asking for a howling, wailing outpouring of regret at the fact that they ever so slightly jostled me out of the way, I'm not the fucking messiah and neither is the baby. When I get repeatedly smacked in the stomach however by some dozy fucking twunt who's squeezed onto an insanely crowded tube train and her sodding handbag I would expect when I point out what she's doing (politely I might add) that she look a little apologetic, maybe say sorry, and hold her handbag at a different height. Simple really. What I didn't expect was to have her roll her eyes at me and tell me to fuck off because "I shouldn't have gotten on such a crowded tube then"... It wasn't this crowded until you boarded behind me you fucktard!!! Argh, rage!!!!

Bloody Buggering Bus Related Balls Up!!!!

This morning started like any other. My alarm shrieked music at me at six o’clock mentally translating to “GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!!!” so I dutifully dragged myself into the shower, successfully worked my way through my morning bathroom routine without faceplanting the wall , and somewhat sleepily/sulkily got myself dressed and ready to go. Being the lovely person that I am, and given that he reads this blog and isn’t allowed to disagree, I made my husband’s coffee, did the whole “have a good day darling” bit and got myself outside to face the day.

 

For starters, holy crap when did it get this cold?! And also, note to self to buy a proper jacket, given that my denim is pretty much all that comfortably fits pregnant me and it’s short and not exactly designed for six degree temperatures… So, picture painted. I’m tired, cold, grumpy, and pregnant; fun times! ;)

Oh and I’m now waiting for the bus. I used to walk up to the station in the morning (when I wasn’t feeling lazy) but now I’m coming up for seven months gone I walk at the speed that would embarrass a severely arthritic ninety year old who’s just had a hip replacement… So bus it is. There’s only ten minutes between it being due in the morning and the train that I get on, but at quarter to seven in the morning the thing is de-sert-ed! So it literally goes straight there without stopping and only takes like three minutes, so score! Quarter to seven comes and goes, so does ten to, then five to, and then my other half walks over as he’s ready to get on his seven o’clock bus. And there has been nothing go past, BUT I overhear a conversation a woman is having on her phone about our road being closed. “Ridiculous, “ thinks I, “There’s no signs or anything!” But that little seed of doubt has been sown, and it’s growing…

 

Hubby and I finally decide to bite the bullet and walk down to the next stop, only a few minutes walk and if the bus drives past we’ll wave like loonies and argue that it’s late so we started walking and get them to stop. At least that’s my cunning logic, not sure about his, but hey it should work!

 

At the next stop there’s a guy waiting who hasn’t had a bus come past either, and we start looking down the high street with very much of a “I’m not seeing much traffic coming this way down that street” feeling dawning on us. By this point though I’m about half an hour late, I’m freezing my proverbials off and I’m ready to lynch someone if I have to walk! So just to be on the safe side we decide to quickly buzz down to the next stop, as traffic looks to be flowing that way, better safe than sorry sort of thing. Literally just start walking and oh what’s that ahead? Oh that’d be the LAST BUS FOR HALF AN HOUR COME DOWN BYPASSING US! AAAAAAAAAAAAH, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

 

Bless him, thankfully the hubs was with me, because I don’t know how many of you have tried running at seven months pregnant, but it’s severly un-fucking-pleasant! I could practically hear the baby going “Mum, WTF?!” as I wan (waddle ran) down to the bus stop where they were waiting for me, only pausing to pick my bloody iphone up from where it landed on the poxy bloody ground after bouncing out of my pocket! Oh goodie, could this morning get much more fun?! Oh wait, yeah it can because instead of taking our money and driving us to the bloody train station like his job kinda entails the frickin bus driver is now on the phone to another bus driver checking to see if he knows about the road closures… I DON’T CARE! I know now, and I need to get to work! Phone him later, phone him on the move, send a bastard bloody carrier pigeon, I don’t give a tiny rat’s tushy but if I miss another train you’ll be like a squirrel who’s experienced a burglary – MISSING YOUR NUTS!!!

 

Thankfully I think he managed to pick up on the murderous vibes that were emanating from me, and probably everyone stood behind me, and he finally decided to get moving. All I can say is it’s a good thing that no one pushed that stupid stop button between there and the train station because I’m not entirely convinced I could’ve avoided physical injury to them at that point! Even had time for a two minute chill out before going to get on the train, which was beautifully packed out, including the charming man mountain I ended up next to in first class who insisted on taking up half of my seat as well. I’m wound up, but he’s kinda big and growly looking so maybe at this point I’ll just keep my mouth shut. Could’ve been worse, at least I got a seat, unlike my poor husband who had to stand squished up in steerage, okay so my pregnancy upgrade does have a handy side effect once in a while… ;)

 

Not being funny, I get that roadworks happen, and that this means a road closure here or there at times, but how about a tiny bit of information actually being passed on?! Nothing on the bus stop, no signage up on the road anywhere, not a single thing telling us what the hell is going on. In fact, if it wasn’t for overhearing a phone conversation someone I don’t know was having I’d have probably stayed at our usual bus stop and would probably still be there! I would dearly love to complain to someone about this fact, but I know what’s going to happen if I do. It’ll go something like this –

 

Abellio – It’s Surrey County Council’s responsibility to notify people of road closures.

Surrey County Council – It’s Abellio’s responsibility to notify people of adjustments to bus routes.

 

Now all that is going to happen by getting those responses is my blood pressure increasing, and I really don’t think it’s worth it. So I’ll settle for a little rant about my morning on here, with the hopeful side effect of having made a couple of people smile along the way, and it does make a nice change from harbouring murderous thoughts at Southwest Trains! So hey, hi ho silver lining! But be warned Surrey Council and Abellio, I am NOT amused, and I’m watching you…!

 

Pregnant Women Are Drama Queens....

Yes ladies I'm sorry, but for a large proportion of you (in London at least) this is very very true. 

I'm now just over seven months pregnant, and what I'm finding is actually true and what is total fallacy about commuting specifically is really amusing me. So the top two things I was warned about, sitting down and travelling with morning sickness, how have they panned out in reality?

1) No One Ever Offers You A Seat...

Nope, total bullshit. Granted there are a lot of people, and in this instance I'm afraid yes it's largely you menfolk, who will hide their heads behind a paper or suddenly look engrossed in staring down at Candy Crush so as to make it look like they've not seen you. Hmmm, yeah sorry but if you watch everyone the automatic reaction of most of us when someone enters a train carriage is to glance up, and between the badges and rocking the big old baby bump we're kind of hard to miss... 

Still, the absolute furthest I have made it on the overground standing is one stop. At which point either someone has noticed me and jumped up to kindly offer their seat, another standing passenger has made a request for someone to "let the pregnant lady sit down" and someone has always offered, or I've actually asked someone in the 'priority' seats to let me sit down and they always have and usually without seeming begrudging about it.

So yeah it's crap, and it's incredibly unfair to some, because it makes all us commuters sounds like total assholes. The simple truth is the stories about a lovely guy getting up as soon as he's seen you and offering his seat without prompting isn't anywhere near as entertaining to tell your friends than the one about the utter ASSHOLE who stared at you the whole way smirking and refusing to vacate his seat. Celebrate the nice people once in a while yeah?

2) Morning Sickness Just Makes Everything Impossible, Help Me...?

So this one is a little different, some women do genuinely suffer from horrendous morning sickness and it makes doing anything at all a million times harder. SOME women, not all of us, and I'm sorry but this one gets played on all the time! 

"I can't possibly stand/sit/walk/talk (please delete as required), I'm just suffering soooo much with this terrible morning sickness, I'm AM pregnant you know..."

Yes dear, of course you are. Or maybe you're one of the lucky ones, like me thankfully, who've had barely a touch of the dreaded morning sickness, and are now playing off the possibility of it in order to be a lazy cow? You know who you are, I mean most of us have done it at some point because we feel like crap for whatever reason but stop bloody acting the martyr because you happen to have been impregnated!

Southwest First Class

Sounds good doesn't it? First Class... It conjures up images of opulence, luxury, and privilege. You immediately picture the first class lounge of an airplane, and images of nymphs flitting from seat to seat dispensing free flowing champagne from silver and gold goblets, and trays of all manner of delectable treats artfully arranged and left awaiting your pleasure. Then you get on the train...

Omg, it's First Class, there's a, a... slightly larger seat and a plug socket on the wall... Um, am I in the wrong place? Oh wait, there's no one to ask. Where are my nymphs? Dammit I want nymphs!! And where's the rest of it?! This is it...? THIS is what adds around £200 a month to my travelcard?? Okay, not mine, I'm rocking the free upgrade but still! I feel cheated..! On some services granted first class has a purpose, when it comes to Southwest Trains however there's a certain sense of something lacking... Like the class, or the first, or just well any sort of feeling you'd expect anything warranting that label to create!

Commuting, It's A Tiring Process

When I boarded the train the other morning I have to admit I was confronted by something that I've not seen before, a woman asleep on the train. Yes I know that's pretty regular, so it sounds like I'm talking crap but this was bizarrely different. She was asleep lying across three seats...

Okay, I get she's tired but who the hell tries to lie down and sleep on an early morning, and crazy busy, commuter train...? Thankfully my usual seat was free so I got myself settled down and stuck my headphones on. Until the guy next to me pointed out it was a great idea and more people should do it. Heh heh, very funny, oh you're serious? Wait, what?! This is your idea of a great idea? Um, weird?

I just said she wouldn't make it to Waterloo without being moved and he seemed confused by this attitude. Well let's think about this. It's eight o'clock, the train is usually rammed to the point of uncomfortable standing room only by the time we leave Surbiton and you really think no one is going to tell her to move? Aw bless, you're new at this aren't you?

Funnily enough Surbiton rolled around and she was woken up and asked to move. I just smiled quietly to myself, shame for her disturbed sleep but I wasn't remotely surprised, well beyond the fact that she was woken very politely by someone rather than just being barked at to shift the hell out the way!

"Oh well it looks like you were right," says matey boy next to me. I smiled politely at him and didn't really say anything. "But," he continued. "I do think it was rather rude of whoever woke her up to have done that, people should respect that she was obviously very tired and left her to sleep!"

...?! I'm not often gobsmacked into silence but that did it! The other commuter was rude? To ask her to only take up one seat on a busy train rather than three?
Am I missing something here? Personally I'd say it would be more rude to expect people to stand so you can occupy three seats when the train is packed to the doors. I mean no one was rude, she was asked to move and she did, everything was very civil and friendly. But seriously I don't get this guy's stance, I just don't. Actually I find it truly screwy and fucked up to have that point of view.

Opinions? What would you have done in either person's place? I know commuting into London does impact your sensibilities about other people on the same train/tube but I'm sure I'm still clinging onto enough sanity to have the right view on this surely!!

Pub Morons

It is my habit lately, given there's a pub soooo close to the station, to stop off for a drink on my way home. It's a nice chill out off the train and who doesn't like an end of day drink? Most of the time my husband is only half an hour behind me so it also means we can meet up for a drink without a load of people around and grab a little bit of "us" time.

Tonight I knew he wasn't about but given that I am still spending most of my spare time writing and I had my current notebook with me I thought I'd stop off anyway. Couple of glasses of wine, bit of writing, and then home in time for when my father in law gets to ours, sorted.

Tonight it was fairly busy, but I managed to find a table in the back of the pub and set up my iPad, notebook, and of course my wine. The next table over from me was occupied by four youngish lads, at a guess I would say twenty one or so, and they were talking pretty loudly. As much as this bugs a lot of people I personally don't mind given that I'm plugging my headphones in and normally I wouldn't have given them so much as a second glance BUT as I sat down they started swearing at some guy who had asked them to be a little quieter.

"Yeah, yeah, keep fucking walking mate," was the delightful first thing I heard. I did decide though to ignore my instincts to call them out for the tossers they were being and put my head into what I was doing. Not for long though.

Next thing I hear is them talking really loudly about how much money they need off each other, all headed for one guy sat the opposite side of the table from me. My interest (read nosiness) piqued I started to pay a little more attention, and worked out really damn quick that they were arranging to buy themselves some coke.

Okay, I do not give a tiny rat's tushy if people want to buy drugs of any description, but for fuck's sake maybe talk about it a little quieter?! I had my headphones on and music playing but I could still hear them clearly enough to work out what they were up to. And then to round it off one of them started on about how the guy behind the bar is a dealer. Um, that would be a mate of mine and no he's fucking not... What the hell?!

First time in years I have actually moved to get away from people. Aforementioned friend asked why I'd moved and I had to share the description of the frickin douchebags for comedy value!!

Simple lesson. Do what you want, but shouting about drugs in a pub? Good way to get barred. Bunch of raging dickshits, that generation is screwed if that's the best it has to offer!! I give up!! *facepalm*

Road Runner

Okay so I'm currently working in Southwark, and as I like to get back earlier I take the tube the whole ONE MINUTE to Waterloo, I know lazy right? Well I got reminded of my laziness tonight just as I walked out of the office, but thankfully in a way that made me laugh out loud in the street.

Normal day, nothing to report really and then as I left my office building and walked down Southwark Street I saw a runner heading towards me. Damn, now I feel lazy I helpfully think. As he nears and passes me I realise he is running along with his mouth wide open, picture the human version of a Humpback whale just cruising along mouth wide open to catch krill, yep that's about what it looked like! Seriously very weird and after he passed I turned to look at him as he ran on by giving him somewhat of a quizzical look another woman on the street looked at me and laughed.

"I know, weird wasn't it? But to be fair he had nothing on the laugh I got from the look on your face..."

Hurrah, I'm lightening people's days! :)