Little Wonders

There are some things that just make me smile of a morning commute, and today was a good one to be fair.

- The bus turning up on time for a change.

- The driver of said bus being a really friendly chatty person; given my journey is short I often chat if I've seen them before.

- Rushing to make the closing doors of my train and missing them, but then being called over by the conductor who saw me and held a door open for me (seriously rare and appreciated!).

- Getting my usual seat on the train even though I boarded late which means I'm not squished and can curl up against the wall.

- Realising that I was wrong and I actually did remember my iPod so could sit writing contentedly with my music keeping my foot tapping happily.

- Seeing someone actually get up to offer their seat to a rather pregnant woman without anything needing to be said.

- Seeing the idiot who brought his bike on a train that doesn't allow cycles trip over his own pedals, leading me to laugh out loud and bury my head in my phone pretending I'm laughing at something else...

It doesn't take much to make a commuter's morning a little nicer, definitely a plus when it all comes together.

To Drink Or Not To Drink...

The heavens are conspiring to drive me to drink, seriously. It's currently lamping down with rain whilst I stare disconsolately out of the window of the train. Once I get to my stop I have a twenty minute walk home, in this weather. Or I could go to the pub across the road from the station, about two hundred yards and wait for the rain to stop...

If rain forces you into shelter and that shelter just so happens to serve alcohol it's technically not your fault when you have a drink right? Right...?!

The Next Generation - Oh Hell!

As I've mentioned before I work part time in a pub, it's a nice change of pace to my office and I wouldn't see half the amusing things I do without it! What always leaves me nonplussed however is the attitude when drinking of some parents towards those in their charge and the terrible example they set.

Quite recently while working a weekend evening shift a woman turned up about ten or half past and was followed into the pub by her two children, maybe twelve and six at an estimate. Now our place has a time rule for kids, they've got to be gone by half eight midweek and six on weekends. I quickly pointed that fact out to this woman who informed me it was fine and her kids would wait outside. Nice right?

The two children headed for the beer garden and I had to tell them they weren't allowed and needed to leave, so they went and sat on the top step by the front door. Number one they were now blocking the entrance and number two that's still pub premises. So I went over and asked them to move at which point the girl, the "eldest" of the two, told me to fuck off... Lovely child, but I just told her she had to be off the premises very calmly and was subjected to a tirade of swearing and questions as to where I would let her stand.

Okay change of tack, I went and told the mother, who was happily chucking vodka back, she'd either have to deal with them or leave. She told me they were fine and when told her charming daughter had sworn at me she just laughed and turned back to her drink.

Okay, let's try with the kids again. Told them to move off premises and got another load of verbal abuse off the girl. So I shut the door on her not wanting to hear anymore and she shoved it back open to carry on.

In the end the woman was told to leave and take her bloody offspring with her but remembering it still makes me cringe if this is what future generations are going to be like!

Or in a granny styled moment - We wouldn't have dared acted like that when we were kids!!!

Sad, but true!

Sorry, I'm Only A Girl!!!

The Rugby World Cup is on it's way very soon, and I can't wait! Having watched rugby avidly for a fair few years now, and given that unlike footballers the rugby players look like real men it's safe to say September is a good month for me this year!

BUT I was also recently subjected to that typical stereotype born in the mind of idiots, that women don't understand sport; apparently this is supposedly true for any sport.

Now I'm really not the right person to voice that rubbish to, but apparently the judgemental twerp in the pub completely believed it.

Me - Oh come on, that should've been a try!

Him - Excuse me, do you play rugby?

Me - Um no, why do you ask?

Him - Okay so you don't know what you're talking about then.

Me - Excuse me?! No I don't play rugby but I've been watching it for years and love it. Do you play?

Him - No.

Me - (desperately trying to keep it polite) Then how can you say I know nothing about it when NEITHER of us play it? Oh but my friend I'm with does play.

Him - Yeah but you're a woman.

I should point out at this moment his girlfriend was trying to shut him up and looking exceptionally mortified at his behaviour. He'd obviously had a few pints and was embarrassing her quite a lot. Not long after they got up to leave.

Me - Are you not staying for the second game?

Him - Didn't know there was a second one on.

Me - Oh right, guess I definitely do know more about it than you then...

See I can understand where the stereotype comes from, a lot of women don't like sport so they don't watch it. But what's with the attitude that regardless of whether or not I watch it I can't possibly understand it? Too complex for my poor strained girlie brain? Good thing I didn't tell him I love MotoGP really, don't think his brain would've been able to deal with that!

Women? Liking motorbikes? Oh no no no that simply won't do!

Best get on though, I'm sure I have some ironing to do or I might go crazy exciting and knit something...!!! *eye roll*

London Riots - The True Fails

Between working in London, living just outside London and having friends in the police force I have heard and seen some truly fabulous examples of ineptitude throughout the rioting in London, and I thought it only fair to share...

1. Tottenham Court Road - Looters left a shopping centre untouched and yet smashed around £500 worth of glass windows to gain access to a coffee shop and steal £30 of biscuits. Apparently rioting gives you the munchies...
2. Not sure whereabouts - Looters decided to rob a Ladbrokes by throwing chairs at the windows to smash them. Due to shatter proof glass said chairs bounced off and hit them in the head. Knock some sense into them? Please?!
3. Not sure whereabouts - Guy poses with a big bag of stolen Tesco Value basmati rice. The tesco value one, I mean seriously if you're going to be so pathetic as to steal rice, wouldn't you at least steal NICE rice?! As someone posted at the time, maybe he misunderstood when his mates said they were off to raid currys...
4. Tottenham - Rioters burnt down the post office. Where they issue their benefits. Which they pretty much definitely all claim. Fail...
5. Clapham Junction - One woman with a tv asked why she was stealing stuff and she replied "I'm getting back my taxes". Now not only am I pretty sure that she has never paid taxes in her life but since when do people pay taxes to Currys?!
6. Ealing - Looters raiding the party shop and then setting fire to it. They all wore masks from the shop before setting the fire, because that makes it's harder to spot them?, and then they set fire to an enclosed area with helium canisters, are you stupid?!
7. Not sure whereabouts - People looting Primark. We've already covered this people, if you're going to steal stuff don't steal the cheap stuff!!!
8. Multiple locations - Breaking into Nandos, Burger King, KFC, all you're going to find is raw stuff you morons!!!!

These Boots Really Were Made For Walking

Half eight on a Thursday morning, it's primo commuter time and the underground is packed as ever. I've already had warning that there's overground issues which thankfully never materialised and now even the tube seems to be running without issue. It's a regular, busy but relatively stress free morning of travel. I've had the idiot on the train who seems to think he needs a seat and a half and I'll make do with what's left but that was easily remedied by the application of stubbornness and fidgeting... Mrs P 1 : Train Numpties 0!

Anyway, the Bakerloo line is jumping as ever, but I find a handy spot near where "my" carriage pulls in and relax into the music pulsing relaxingly down my headphones. The tube train pulls in, the carriage is quiet with plenty of seats for the baying hoards waiting to board. The tube slows, then stops and the doors slide smoothly open triggering the slow movement forward of the one guy in front of me. Swiftly followed by the decision by him to stop dead despite the moving traffic behind him which pushes me into him.

Ah but surely there's some sterling reason for his cessation of movement. There must be someone disembarking unexpectedly and he's stopped to ensure their ease of departure like a gentleman? No? Well maybe someone crossed in front of him pushing to get to the seats and it's forced his absence of movement? No again? Okay, there must be something... He just decided that was where he wanted to stand ignoring the fact that there's a large amount of people behind him and he's blocked the passage? Yes? Really?! 

Not only does this majestic absence of common sense fill me with disillusionment of the small fraction of intelligence I assumptively gift my fellow commuters with but he goes so far as to turn round and have a go at me for knocking into him! Funnily enough that's what happens when you stall natural flow patterns, they crash into each other!!!

He first starts berating me for knocking into him, really not my choice, not like he was good looking or anything but who am I to hold back thirty odd stressy commuters? Then I get informed I should have gone around him, which seeing as people were boarding wherever there was a gap was pretty unlikely. Finally I get past him and he spends the next ten minutes or so glowering at me futilely as I studiously ignore the odious little twit. So next time I think I need to wear not only boots that are made for walking, but ones that are perfectly equipt for imbedding into morons backsides too! Plan!

Is This A Sign?!

Whenever you enter a restaurant, bar, pub, office building or any other building outside a private residence you can easily identify the toilets by the signs on the door. They can range from a word or letter to a pictorial notification. And sometimes these signs can be a little on the strange side...

This is the simple design from the ladies toilet doors from my office.

Nice and simple. Not misleading, not confusing, not remotely open to interpretation right?

Here's the one, from the same office, for those toilets that are for use by both male and female. These are the ones that have a shower in them.

Now maybe it's just me, but how dodgy does that look exactly? Best I can make out is that particular cubicle is only for the use of couples. To be fair that would make it even more concerning, our toilets aren't exactly roomy...

Whole new meaning to the phrase "tight squeeze" then I guess...?!