Step Up London!

I do enjoy writing this little blog, I find it has several benefits. Firstly I get to make people laugh, well hopefully anyway, and secondly it gives me somewhere to let off steam in an entertaining fashion about the masses of idiots that populate the capital.

There is however one big drawback, and that is I am entirely reliant on these idiots in order to supply me with ammunition for my observations. I do, in fact, spend a large portion of my commuting time watching the people around me and hoping someone says or does something stupid, and preferably funny.

In the last couple of weeks the strange portion of the population is severely lacking, maybe I should log a missing persons report? Although I'm fairly sure the Metropolitan Police Service are likely at that point to tell me to bugger off and stop wasting their time...

So my lack of postings lately is down to this, the will is there but the morons aren't! So if any of you know where they've gone could you direct them onto my route? It'd be much appreciated and I promise to reward you with chuckles!

Twatter

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat. I do not like Twitter. It’s Facebook without photos. It’s egotism gone viral. It’s blogging for lazy people. If anyone can actually explain to me why this virus has become so popular I will be amazed!

“Oh but you can follow your favourite celebrities...!”
Soooooo, stalking made legal?

“You can get Sickipedia’s joke of the day!”
They have a website, with loads of them, variety is the spice of life my friend.

“Your friends can follow your ‘tweets’!”
Again, Facebook without the photos...

“I know people who’ve met their partner on there!”
Yes, and that’s also happened on internet dating... Or in real life... It doesn’t make it special!!!

I can’t find a redeeming feature to this insane obsession. Do people actually think that the Z list celebs they are following give a single tiny rat’s ass about them?! OMG thinks Cheryl “I Can’t Sing” Cole, Dave Bloggs from Dunstable is following MY Twitter?! I’ve made the big time baby!!!

Nope, sorry. Hate it.

But I have now found one thing I hate even more than Twitter, largely because it doesn’t make sense. Now listen carefully boys and girls, this is very important information I’m sharing here.

HASHTAGS. DON’T. FUCKING. WORK. ON. FACEBOOK. USING THEM DOESN’T MAKE YOU LOOK COOL, IT MAKES YOUR STATUS LOOK DEFORMED!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!

That is the end of this public service announcement. Thank you.