Iz It Cos I Iz Too Bootiful?!

I had to write about this, just had to, I mean come on people comedy gold doesn’t just come begging every day of the week!

Summary for those who have missed this recent amusement – Samantha Brick is a forty odd year old woman who is stating she is so beautiful that men basically are willing to do anything for her and these are strangers, and on the flip side women are jealous of her, don’t trust her around their husbands and she’s been penalised in the workplace for being too attractive.

Right luv, what planet are you on?! And lady, seriously, if you’re going to spout your undying belief of your physical attractiveness this loudly, maybe consider changing your surname? Brick?! Really...?

Anyway, let’s start with her claims of favours she has received: -

·         Stranger parking her car for her –

Well to get the obvious out of the way who the hell would hand over the keys to their car to some bloke they don’t know?! I’m betting this is going to happen more frequently now Samantha dear because they know you’ll pass the keys across and it makes their carjacking job a hell of a lot easier! It also has the plus side of watching your gormless confused look as they “park” your car several hundred miles away and don’t return the keys.

Here’s another wild and wacky possibility to explain this, maybe our dear Mrs Brick can’t park her car to save her life. So maybe this kind gentleman leapt to her assistance because he’d been sat behind her for the last hour while she tried unsuccessfully to park her car in a space that would fit an articulated lorry...?! Yes I know there are great women drivers, I’d say I’m pretty handy at it myself (don’t hate me cos you’re jealous), but there are also some atrocious ones and it is highly possible that she may well be one of these...

·         Stranger paying for her coffee –

Have you ever rushed into a coffee shop with very little time to spare and been brought up short by the epic size of the queue suddenly looming in your vision? Yep, me too. It’s happened to us all, and could quite possibly have something to do with this particular moment of “beauty induced chivalry”. By buying her coffee he could have easily got his own at the same time and saved himself some precious moments for the sake of a couple of pounds... Win/win?

·         Barmen refusing to let her pay the bar bill –

Okay this one genuinely irritated me. Bar staff, generally speaking, do not have the authority to hand out free drinks to whomsoever they desire. And if they start doing this, they won’t have a job for long..! So I call bull on that one love...

So we have these examples of just how she gets spoilt due to her beauty, and then there's the fact that she says women don't like her because of it.

Okay, no. Women don't like you because you admit you flirt to get ahead at work, you probably are flirty with other women's partners because yours really isn't all that and you are so sickeningly condescending in your arrogance that you just don't come across as a particularly nice person...!
I would say my best friend is utterly gorgeous, but she's a lovely person with it and would never crack on to someone else's boyfriend/husband cos she has self respect! See the difference?!

And just when I think she can't get any more ridiculous, or ridiculed for that matter, there's the follow up piece. Basically "Well the fact you're all saying I'm wrong proves my point, you're all jealous".... Oh what?! That has to be a joke right?
But no, she actually went on tv to defend this point of view, and got thoroughly rinsed by two women who to be fair blatantly didn't like her very much. In their defence I think most women felt the same by this point.

I started wondering at this point what on earth her husband was like, after all the photos we'd seen didn't exactly make him look like Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome that the most beautifulestest woman on the planet would be with, so I read some of her previous articles, and I think I've worked out what the problem is.

Lady you really are married to the most judgemental, obnoxious, mysogenistic prick on the planet! Who the hell tells their wife that if they gain weight they will divorce them?! And not being funny but the dodgy moustached tubby bloke being the one voicing this opinion made it all the more offensive to me! So your wife must work out every day (which is why you put the exercise bike in the front room!!) and maintain her weight so you find her suitably attractive, but you can decline razors of any kind and not worry about working on your own figure at all? Which, honestly, not pretty dude!

You know I was starting to actually develop some sympathy for the arrogant Mrs Brick, seeing as you'd have to be convinced you were gorgeous if your husband was that dictatorial of his standards and was still with you! But then she had to ruin it again with the long diatribe on how she was a daddy's girl and because he told her that she was the most beautiful girl she developed this confidence... Okay one, that an overinflated ego and not confidence, and two I know loads of "daddy's girls" and not one of them display the quite distasteful attitudes this woman possesses!

And to top it off the husband does an interview saying he'd physically attack someone who he witnessed flirting with his wife... Holy hell man you have nothing to worry about, if they were going to before they sure and shit won't now because of the way she's come across!
They seem perfectly suited, they're both delusional!

And now she's in discussions to go on Big Brother, how will we get any work done with that vision of grace and beauty available on our screens twenty four hours a day...? Can't we just send her into the Big Brother house and not turn the cameras on?! Then with some luck by the time she comes back out everyone will have forgotten who she is!

Please, get some therapy. Preferably without blowing thousands on psychics this time yeah?

Oh Get It Right B Movie!!!

I love shark movies, I know most of them suck to a massive magnitude but I still love them.

The other night, while the hubby was out the way, I pulled up Shark Night on Box Office and settled back for a pointless blood fest with some of my favourite creepy animals.

It was okay, not great, but I switched it on with pretty low expectations so it was all good. There were attractive women in skimpy bikinis, funky sharks and the necessary weird characters. All enjoyable enough, well for me anyway! :-)

But, and this is something I'm somewhat geeky about, get your damn facts straight.

What should've been a great scene of someone being lowered into the waters to be munched on by two tiger sharks was completely ruined for me by the fact I spent the entire scene wanting to scream "THAT'S NOT A TIGER SHARK!" at the tv. B movies are underrated because they're just such fun when you don't expect cinematically brilliant excellence but at least get your facts straight!
I was even willing to ignore the fact that the shark they were using doesn't attack humans but use the right name please people?!