Okay people, this needs addressing. It's driving me crazy.
I get that it's really hard to not give in to the pressure you're under to add your family members as "friends" on Facebook, and the majority of the time that is just fine, but there needs to be one caveat. NO OLDER GENERATION FAMILY MEMBERS!!!! Seriously guys, why do you do it?! Granted I am eternally grateful that my mother's concept of the interwebz leaves her completely confused as to how email works, what on earth a "blog" is and my personal favourite of "why is that thing with all the pictures called Facebook" - but you too can avoid this dangerous pitfall with just a few simple clicks.
1. Ignore the friend request
2. Add family member to block list so as not to hurt their feelings
3. Smile and continue to post inane bollocks...
The amount of times that a perfectly good status moment has been ruined by a family member is astounding! And yes, the person I'm thinking of can probably work out who he is, but let's have a paraphrased example just to prove my point.
Friend X - I'm in the cellar of the devil
Friend X's aunt - Are you okay dear, do you need to talk? I'm worried about you.
Friend X - I'm drinking Castillo de Diablo Merlot, it translates to Cellar of the Devil....
Friend X's aunt - Oh thank goodness!
Now, most of your friends will know that you are writing a random status you find funny and that you think will make them think and/or laugh. Older family members do not have this bullshit filter people!!! Anything in the style of ironic will be taken as god given proof of your apparent spiral into the depths of depression, and will be tackled by hugely embarassing concerned status comments... And really, exactly what do they think they will achieve by commenting on your status?! If you are in the bowels of depressive behaviour I doubt a quick chirpy thought on your Facebook page will be the catalyst that wrenches you back from the edge and makes you realise the world is happy and sparkly once more... That's why we have alcohol! And lapdancing clubs...!
Also, family members have the inate ability to ruin the flow of a good comedy comment chain. One post about having tea and scones, several comments parodying the Britishness of it, and a final nail in the coffin from a family member praising the selection of scones over cigarettes... *facepalm*
Be close with your family, that's awesome, but for all our sakes, keep it off Facebook! OR create a second fake profile and keep them all in there, it's safer....!!!
Tuesday 28 February 2012
Wednesday 15 February 2012
Break Time
No, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. Far from it. In fact I'm ridiculously gleeful about the recent amount of activity on my little Facebook page. It's sad but true that I grinned like a loony at the first non friend "fan" that was kind enough spend their time listening to me!
But I'm straying from my, obviously eloquent as always, point. My point is the blissful peace and harmony of this week, not date wise but school holiday wise! Well, the mornings anyway. The afternoons mean crazy packed trains full of people who seem to think the perfect time to travel with their screaming hoard of heathen brats is commuter time... Bless them. And for the record yes I avoid travelling with any children at that time of day during the week! ;-)
I do practice what I preach, or not practice what I judge others for.. Oh well whichever makes sense!
But the mornings, oh the glorious mornings!!! Parents are taking time off to be at home with their kids so there's so many less people on that lovely rail system known as Southwest Tossers and there's space to stretch out and relax... Okay, slight exaggeration. It's marginally less cramped. But hey you take the silver linings wherever you can find them when it comes to this game. Regretfully the jackass I see every morning who manages to offend someone pretty much every single day doesn't appear to have kids as he is AL-WAYS there... Having said that I'm somehow unsurprised at this seeing as he is an absolute arse!
The first time I met this delightful soul he spent half the train ride knocking into my head with his bag and the second half resting it on my shoulder, which was lovely... I, of course, politely asked him to move it, several times actually, after each of which he gestured at his headphones with a sarcastic smile and muttered he couldn't hear me. Sweet right? Still, I'm sure he was still feeling just as pleased with himself as I stood up swiftly as we got to Waterloo which pushed his bag straight up and him on his backside... And naturally I looked really apologetic and concerned for his wellbeing... as I stepped straight over him and continued on my way...
So anyway, quieter mornings, lovely! Short lived but hugely enjoyable. Soooo which one is next...? Oh yeah, roll on Easter!!!
But I'm straying from my, obviously eloquent as always, point. My point is the blissful peace and harmony of this week, not date wise but school holiday wise! Well, the mornings anyway. The afternoons mean crazy packed trains full of people who seem to think the perfect time to travel with their screaming hoard of heathen brats is commuter time... Bless them. And for the record yes I avoid travelling with any children at that time of day during the week! ;-)
I do practice what I preach, or not practice what I judge others for.. Oh well whichever makes sense!
But the mornings, oh the glorious mornings!!! Parents are taking time off to be at home with their kids so there's so many less people on that lovely rail system known as Southwest Tossers and there's space to stretch out and relax... Okay, slight exaggeration. It's marginally less cramped. But hey you take the silver linings wherever you can find them when it comes to this game. Regretfully the jackass I see every morning who manages to offend someone pretty much every single day doesn't appear to have kids as he is AL-WAYS there... Having said that I'm somehow unsurprised at this seeing as he is an absolute arse!
The first time I met this delightful soul he spent half the train ride knocking into my head with his bag and the second half resting it on my shoulder, which was lovely... I, of course, politely asked him to move it, several times actually, after each of which he gestured at his headphones with a sarcastic smile and muttered he couldn't hear me. Sweet right? Still, I'm sure he was still feeling just as pleased with himself as I stood up swiftly as we got to Waterloo which pushed his bag straight up and him on his backside... And naturally I looked really apologetic and concerned for his wellbeing... as I stepped straight over him and continued on my way...
So anyway, quieter mornings, lovely! Short lived but hugely enjoyable. Soooo which one is next...? Oh yeah, roll on Easter!!!
Badly Planned Advertising Maybe...?
Sometimes I sit on the tube or walk through the train stations and I chuckle to myself at the slightly humourous ad campaign currently being run, and most of the time I also take a quick snap and post it to my Facebook page to share with you lot as well. After all, nothing brightens up a day little a little laughter right?
But occassionally the logic gone into an ad campaign, or sometimes even simply the placement of the ad, leads to a monumental fail, but it still gives me a laugh at the facepalm moment they inadvertantly create.
And this is what has led me down this little path, a picture I took the other day of an ad on the Bakerloo line. It definitely gets their point across, I'll give them that, but maybe not in quite such a positive fashion than they'd been hoping....?
Anyway, I'd hate to ruin your first impressions, so here you go...
Maybe it's just me, but I'm not the biggest fan of this slogan. I do have a decent reason so bear with me.
Picture the scene. You're rushing to make your overground train and missing it would lead to a long wait or maybe missing a connection further down the line. Hurrying you rush onto the tube and make it on to the next tube train leaving, and you even manage to get a seat. Okay, you're rushing and stressed but things are going okay all things considered. Then you realise that you actually quite need the toilet, however you're currently stuck in a tin can in a tunnel whizzing across London with no toilets until you make the overground station and find them, oh and then find the 30p that the rip off merchants are going to charge you.
Okay, no toilets, that's an issue but there is a silver lining. At least there is something for you to read to keep your mind off it, there's always adverts on the tube. What's that one there? Are you sitting comfortably... OH WHAT?!
Great, now it is all you can think about...
See what I mean? Maybe not the most cunning of ideas? Anyway, must dash, for some reason I really need the toilet all of a sudden..!
But occassionally the logic gone into an ad campaign, or sometimes even simply the placement of the ad, leads to a monumental fail, but it still gives me a laugh at the facepalm moment they inadvertantly create.
And this is what has led me down this little path, a picture I took the other day of an ad on the Bakerloo line. It definitely gets their point across, I'll give them that, but maybe not in quite such a positive fashion than they'd been hoping....?
Anyway, I'd hate to ruin your first impressions, so here you go...
Maybe it's just me, but I'm not the biggest fan of this slogan. I do have a decent reason so bear with me.
Picture the scene. You're rushing to make your overground train and missing it would lead to a long wait or maybe missing a connection further down the line. Hurrying you rush onto the tube and make it on to the next tube train leaving, and you even manage to get a seat. Okay, you're rushing and stressed but things are going okay all things considered. Then you realise that you actually quite need the toilet, however you're currently stuck in a tin can in a tunnel whizzing across London with no toilets until you make the overground station and find them, oh and then find the 30p that the rip off merchants are going to charge you.
Okay, no toilets, that's an issue but there is a silver lining. At least there is something for you to read to keep your mind off it, there's always adverts on the tube. What's that one there? Are you sitting comfortably... OH WHAT?!
Great, now it is all you can think about...
See what I mean? Maybe not the most cunning of ideas? Anyway, must dash, for some reason I really need the toilet all of a sudden..!
Tuesday 14 February 2012
Darling, I Have THE Best Idea For A Romantic Valentines....
Okay, recap of last year's Valentines post - Valentines is a pointless "Hallmark holiday" and you shouldn't need to have a reminder to tell your beloved that you love them. There we go, in a nutshell.
Soooo, happy in my opinion of the day.
This year I thought I would try something different, and see what "great" romantic things I could find online. And oh there's some truly amazing things!
Starting with this - I want to propose... hmmm, how can I guarantee she'll never see this coming...? I KNOW! PIZZA HUT!
Soooo, happy in my opinion of the day.
This year I thought I would try something different, and see what "great" romantic things I could find online. And oh there's some truly amazing things!
Starting with this - I want to propose... hmmm, how can I guarantee she'll never see this coming...? I KNOW! PIZZA HUT!
If it had even entered my husband's mind... Wow I'd have flipped! But hey, who could possibly object to any advert for marriage proposals that includes "Bling"?! And, even better, ,the "$10 Dinner Box" includes.... wait for it.... TWO DIPS!!!
Or how about this for the ultimate in romantic Valentines presents?
Can anything possibly make you feel more special...?!
Or if you didn't really want conventional, you could always go for creepy...?
I don't know what scares me more about this next one, what he's done or the idea that he has someone to do this for...
Romance FAIL!
I do understand the idea behind Valentines Day, I really do, but given some of the options out there maybe sometimes it's just safer to do nothing....?
Wednesday 8 February 2012
The Desired Sound of Silence
What I have found since starting this blog is I go through phases where I struggle to post much, purely because I've not been given anything by the world worth writing about. But then sometimes, like this morning, an idea just lands in your lap. I happened across a delightful member of the commuter sect, really lovely guy...
I don't know about everyone else but this morning I was bloody freezing. So I was stood at my platform waiting for the train with my hands tightly jammed into my pockets wishing the train would turn up. (Note, remember GLOVES tomorrow!!!) When it did arrive thankfully there was my preferred seat free, it's right by the heater so mornings like this one it's kind of a lifesaver! In the aisle seat of the pair I'd sat in was sat this guy. Well I say sat but sprawled would be a better definition. I politely said excuse me as I sat down and was graced was a scowl of truly gentlemanly proportions. Lovely thinks I, but it's only half an hour to Waterloo and at least I'm warm! So I just ignored him.
Opposite me was a lady I know, we chat occasionally on the train but this morning I really didn't fancy talking to anyone. All I wanted was to keep my head down and get to work, so I just smiled at her and then slipped my headphones in, universal commuting symbol of "I'm not being rude, but I'd like to be left alone".
So the train is trundling along, slightly late but no big deal, when suddenly I feel someone jab my arm. Turning round, slightly taken aback I see the guy next to me scowling and gesturing furiously at the "no headphones/quiet carriage" sign. I think it must have been obvious I looked somewhat surprised and confused as he snapped something about me sitting in another carriage if I wanted my headphones on.
Okay, just to clarify here, I hate hearing the tinny sound of someone else's music or tv through their headphones so normally I would completely agree with his irritation. There was one factor this morning which led me to disagree, well two if I'm completely honest.
Firstly, and less pertinent, who the hell pokes at someone they don't know to get their attention?! I'm thirty and if my mother saw me doing that now she'd STILL verbally tear me a new one! Even if someone is really pissing me off I'll still retain my upbringing of good manners and politely say excuse me or pardon me to get their attention! I cannot stand someone being so unnecessarily rude so to be fair matey boy already had me wound up at him...
But my real point is somewhat more important to this situation, people's lack of manners are annoying but ultimately neither here not there. My point is more about his objection to the noise. After staring confusedly at him and his delightfully snarled objections I asked him very simply if he was joking, bad idea...
"No I'm not joking. This is a quiet carriage, so no headphones and your headphones are bothering me!"
"What, hold on, the sound from my headphones is bothering you?"
"Yes! I'm trying to sleep!"
"Okay, dude, if you can hear ANYTHING from my headphones I'll be seriously impressed with your hearing."
"Don't be sarcastic, just take them off! Of course I can hear them!"
"That's impressive, I'm not listening to anything...."
He just kind of stared at me. I just showed him the screen on my iPod, which was unsurprisingly dark as it was switched off. He continued to stare at me. Then he grumbled something beyond the realm of human hearing and shut his eyes and went back to sleep. Think that might have been largely because there was a large amount of giggling coming from people in the carriage.
I get it, quiet carriage means you want quiet, but maybe some people need to make less assumptions..? Funnily enough he didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the journey, although I did get a truly charming filthy look as he disembarked... I just smiled sweetly.
I don't know about everyone else but this morning I was bloody freezing. So I was stood at my platform waiting for the train with my hands tightly jammed into my pockets wishing the train would turn up. (Note, remember GLOVES tomorrow!!!) When it did arrive thankfully there was my preferred seat free, it's right by the heater so mornings like this one it's kind of a lifesaver! In the aisle seat of the pair I'd sat in was sat this guy. Well I say sat but sprawled would be a better definition. I politely said excuse me as I sat down and was graced was a scowl of truly gentlemanly proportions. Lovely thinks I, but it's only half an hour to Waterloo and at least I'm warm! So I just ignored him.
Opposite me was a lady I know, we chat occasionally on the train but this morning I really didn't fancy talking to anyone. All I wanted was to keep my head down and get to work, so I just smiled at her and then slipped my headphones in, universal commuting symbol of "I'm not being rude, but I'd like to be left alone".
So the train is trundling along, slightly late but no big deal, when suddenly I feel someone jab my arm. Turning round, slightly taken aback I see the guy next to me scowling and gesturing furiously at the "no headphones/quiet carriage" sign. I think it must have been obvious I looked somewhat surprised and confused as he snapped something about me sitting in another carriage if I wanted my headphones on.
Okay, just to clarify here, I hate hearing the tinny sound of someone else's music or tv through their headphones so normally I would completely agree with his irritation. There was one factor this morning which led me to disagree, well two if I'm completely honest.
Firstly, and less pertinent, who the hell pokes at someone they don't know to get their attention?! I'm thirty and if my mother saw me doing that now she'd STILL verbally tear me a new one! Even if someone is really pissing me off I'll still retain my upbringing of good manners and politely say excuse me or pardon me to get their attention! I cannot stand someone being so unnecessarily rude so to be fair matey boy already had me wound up at him...
But my real point is somewhat more important to this situation, people's lack of manners are annoying but ultimately neither here not there. My point is more about his objection to the noise. After staring confusedly at him and his delightfully snarled objections I asked him very simply if he was joking, bad idea...
"No I'm not joking. This is a quiet carriage, so no headphones and your headphones are bothering me!"
"What, hold on, the sound from my headphones is bothering you?"
"Yes! I'm trying to sleep!"
"Okay, dude, if you can hear ANYTHING from my headphones I'll be seriously impressed with your hearing."
"Don't be sarcastic, just take them off! Of course I can hear them!"
"That's impressive, I'm not listening to anything...."
He just kind of stared at me. I just showed him the screen on my iPod, which was unsurprisingly dark as it was switched off. He continued to stare at me. Then he grumbled something beyond the realm of human hearing and shut his eyes and went back to sleep. Think that might have been largely because there was a large amount of giggling coming from people in the carriage.
I get it, quiet carriage means you want quiet, but maybe some people need to make less assumptions..? Funnily enough he didn't say anything else to me for the rest of the journey, although I did get a truly charming filthy look as he disembarked... I just smiled sweetly.
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