Christmas is over and now New Years is fast approaching with all it's fun and frolics. So what are we all doing for it? There are a few exciting options -
1) A pub/club.
With this choice you get to pay a fuckload to walk into a premise that you can walk into every other day of the year without paying an additional penny, fun no? Then of course you have the overpriced "New Years cocktails", also known as a vodka and cranberry because IT'S NEW YEARS! Then you fork out three times going price for a glass (if you're lucky) or more likely a bottle of crappy fizz, I refuse to call this shite champagne, to toast the midnight hour. The music is loud, and invariably cheesy and crap, and most often DJ'd by some jumped up little twerp who has been legally allowed to drink for about the last five minutes... So expect a lovely little combo mix of songs that were released last week, because he's "current", and baaaad eighties trash (not the good stuff unfortunately) because he's "retro"... All in all it'll be a largely overpriced evening punctuated with bad entertainment and even worse company. But hey, you bought a ticket, so at least it's exclusive!!
2) House Party
Everyone is broke or refuses to pay up for tickets, so a house party seems the way to go. All the guests bring a little something, the host/ess lays on some food, and there are invariably some "funny" party games to be played. When I say funny, it usually IS with the best intentions meant be be funny, but is still most often shit... Or there's always the theme party, now aren't they just hysterical!! ;)
The music is even more dangerous at these gatherings, because you know whoever set up the playlist has spent weeks working on it, but most of it is to their taste and no one else's! Or you could go for the safer option of playing MTV in the background at the risk that the channel will be playing kak and people now think you're inherently lazy because you couldn't be bothered to actually write a playlist, no matter how shit it would've been!
And these nights end one way, people slowly drift off until you have the "hardcore" (read bored) remaining few who continue to drink until the sun comes up and they pass out in various poses around the house. Classy yeah?
3) Stay In Solo/Paired
You don't want to or can't go out, nor do you want people invading your home, so you decide to spend the evening in. After all, it's just one night.
Nothing says rock n roll quite so eloquently as a quiet night in on New Years Eve. Maybe you have a nice meal, a few nice drinks, you see in the midnight stroke either on your own or with your significant other before you quietly finish your drink and head for bed.
This largely means you're getting old, or you have no friends. It's not a good look for anyone, bearing in mind the last time you spent NYE home alone was when you were about fourteen... Next year maybe you should work on your social life?
So there you have it, your exciting three main options for the overhyped crapfest that is New Years. None of them are exactly perfection personified, and yet none of them are quite so rubbish that you don't try it all over again next year. So make your choice, and accept your fate. Happy 2013 everyone, may you enjoy the last night of 2012 in hopefully acceptable style! Cheers! :)
Friday 28 December 2012
Sunday 23 December 2012
Seriously You Doomsday Freaks?!
So now apparently people have had it wrong for years, the Mayans predicted the end of the world on Christmas Eve... Oh are you having a fucking laugh?! Clutching at straws much freaks?
No matter how many times they are proved wrong these crazies are going to constantly come up with another date when the world will end. I know one day it will, it has to eventually, BUT pleeeeease can it not be on any date they say because I really don't want them to have even a moment of "See? We were right!" That would just be the second moment fucking annoying thing, the first obviously being the end of the world...! And annoying being a very mild reaction to it! Lol!!
It's a bit like the prophecies of Nostradamus, apparently they tie in to the events of September 11th. Not being funny but years and years later something was going to eventually happen that matched to roughly what he predicted, kind of handy he didn't mention a timeframe isn't it?! You can make anything fit a prophecy given enough time and artistic license.
So let me state this simply. The world DIDN'T end on December 21st, it WON'T end on December 24th and unless someone hands me a prophecy with a specific date and it happens on that date no one is EVER going to convince me of the power of prophecy. Obviously I'm open to being proved wrong, but let's face it, how likely is it really?
But if the world does end can we please start with the Westboro Baptist Church, because in all reality, they are the most deserving. Scarily they agree, so maybe we could just lie, set a lot of fires and get rid of them? They'd never know it was fake... ;)
No matter how many times they are proved wrong these crazies are going to constantly come up with another date when the world will end. I know one day it will, it has to eventually, BUT pleeeeease can it not be on any date they say because I really don't want them to have even a moment of "See? We were right!" That would just be the second moment fucking annoying thing, the first obviously being the end of the world...! And annoying being a very mild reaction to it! Lol!!
It's a bit like the prophecies of Nostradamus, apparently they tie in to the events of September 11th. Not being funny but years and years later something was going to eventually happen that matched to roughly what he predicted, kind of handy he didn't mention a timeframe isn't it?! You can make anything fit a prophecy given enough time and artistic license.
So let me state this simply. The world DIDN'T end on December 21st, it WON'T end on December 24th and unless someone hands me a prophecy with a specific date and it happens on that date no one is EVER going to convince me of the power of prophecy. Obviously I'm open to being proved wrong, but let's face it, how likely is it really?
But if the world does end can we please start with the Westboro Baptist Church, because in all reality, they are the most deserving. Scarily they agree, so maybe we could just lie, set a lot of fires and get rid of them? They'd never know it was fake... ;)
Christmas Ranticles
Almost time for the Christmas sales to begin, but this year apparently it's controversial... How can you have a controversial sale I hear you ask? Well apparently a few of the big name stores are starting their sales online on Christmas Day. Um, so what...? It's annoyed the church, they're concerned it'll take away from the true meaning of Christmas... What, presents? That's the meaning of Christmas these days isn't it? Yeah I think we'll still be happily opening presents. Ooooooh you mean the whole "birth of Christ" bit? Who wasn't born on Christmas, didn't die at Christmas, in fact NOTHING happened to him at Christmas! The only reason Christmas Day was chosen as a religious holiday in the Christian calendar is because it was the date of a pagan celebration, so using the same date made it easier to sway pagans to a new way of thinking! So we're actually getting pissed all day Tuesday because of the Druids, nice one robey boys! ;)
So it's about presents, granted not to all, but to a lot of people. Presents, way too much food, and way too much booze. And on the subject of presents, bloody hell how much do people spend on their kids?! One friend told me her SEVEN YEAR OLD's list to Santa included an iPod, iPad, and a PS3!! Now I know myself and my brother were spoilt at Christmas but my memory was one big present (which was usually a big Lego set for me) and then loads of little things. I can't remember them ever spending the amount of money (with inflation taken into consideration before anyone says it) that people do now! I doubt I would've even asked for that much expensive stuff! Maybe I did and I can't remember, but I'm pretty sure my parents would've just laughed!
And don't even get me started on that steaming pile of crap that is "NORAD". I mean seriously, are people retarded that they sit watching this?! I get it if you have little kids but the amount of people who don't even have children that I know watch this is bloody ridiculous!! Who actually believes, regardless of age, that those videos are real?! The guy looks like a freaky Grinch version of Homer Simpson as Santa! It's more creepy than it is cute!
My stepson is eleven, he still believes in Santa, personally I think that's weird but hey I'm not going to be the one who tells him it's bollocks. Hmm, hope he doesn't get his hands on my blog...! ;)
So it's about presents, granted not to all, but to a lot of people. Presents, way too much food, and way too much booze. And on the subject of presents, bloody hell how much do people spend on their kids?! One friend told me her SEVEN YEAR OLD's list to Santa included an iPod, iPad, and a PS3!! Now I know myself and my brother were spoilt at Christmas but my memory was one big present (which was usually a big Lego set for me) and then loads of little things. I can't remember them ever spending the amount of money (with inflation taken into consideration before anyone says it) that people do now! I doubt I would've even asked for that much expensive stuff! Maybe I did and I can't remember, but I'm pretty sure my parents would've just laughed!
And don't even get me started on that steaming pile of crap that is "NORAD". I mean seriously, are people retarded that they sit watching this?! I get it if you have little kids but the amount of people who don't even have children that I know watch this is bloody ridiculous!! Who actually believes, regardless of age, that those videos are real?! The guy looks like a freaky Grinch version of Homer Simpson as Santa! It's more creepy than it is cute!
My stepson is eleven, he still believes in Santa, personally I think that's weird but hey I'm not going to be the one who tells him it's bollocks. Hmm, hope he doesn't get his hands on my blog...! ;)
Saturday 22 December 2012
Pre Xmas Pub Numpties
Seeing as I'm not working at the moment I've gone back to doing some bar shifts as it a) helps out the friends who run a pub and b) gets me a few wine tokens and stops me drinking my redundancy. ;)
Last night I was behind the bar for what police call Black Friday and what I call Fucked Up Friday. For those who don't know the drill, the last Friday before Christmas is always a total pissed up moronfest! To be honest, where I work we don't get any real trouble but that doesn't make us immune to idiots. So lovely people, here's the stuff you can do to make it onto my Christmas Pub Sinners list...
1) Complain about waiting five minutes to be served at a bar that is several deep and behind which both bar staff are run off their feet. Feel free to get annoyed with us if we're stood about doing nothing but when we haven't stopped in several hours we're hardly slacking, we're just fucking busy okay?!
2) Come up with stupid "I'm special" type requests. It's not unusual for pubs to shut the door at a certain time and stop letting new customers in. Last night we locked the doors at eleven, not exactly early. So when someone bangs on the door and I go over and tell them I'm sorry but it's no access after eleven, you bellowing over my shoulder "Oh let them in, they're friends of mine!!" does not matter a damn to me. They could be fucking royalty but if they turn up past the time we've locked the doors that's just too damn bad!
Oh and "we come here every Friday" doesn't cut it either!
3) Decide in your infinite wisdom to start smoking weed outside our front door. Guess what? I catch you, you're gone. No excuses, no explanations, done. Got it?!
4) Start talking to the staff like they're morons. One guy last night started shouting abuse at one of the other girls I was working with. Anyone wanna guess how many more drinks he had with us? Yep, jackus shittus as the Roman publicans likely said...! We're here to serve your drinks, not take your alcohol fuelled bullshit, and we won't take it either. Or at least no one working will be taking that crap when I'm also behind the bar!
5) Get your friends to physically hold you up because you're too drunk to stand, and then try to order another drink. Do I really need to explain why this one is a no?
6) Shout at us because we don't sell cigarettes. We. Don't. Sell. Fags. Do some fucking planning and go to a fucking shop BEFORE coming out to the pub. Dick!
7) Become deaf when you're told it's drinking up time. You will lose your drink, people learnt this little lesson last night. Well done douchecanoes, that was a waste of money! We stop serving at one, half an hour is not an "unreasonably short" time to finish what's in front of you really is it? Tell you what, remember all those boasts that you can "down a pint in ten seconds"? Prove it...
8) Not take the hint when cracking onto a barmaid. I don't wear a wedding ring for a laugh, I wear it because I'm married. And funnily enough some weedy eighteen year old drunken twat is unlikely to convince me to forego my wedding vows. And when I say "unlikely" I mean NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!! Got it? Good!
So yeah, a little thought goes a long way, and stops us laughing at you. Give it a try!
Last night I was behind the bar for what police call Black Friday and what I call Fucked Up Friday. For those who don't know the drill, the last Friday before Christmas is always a total pissed up moronfest! To be honest, where I work we don't get any real trouble but that doesn't make us immune to idiots. So lovely people, here's the stuff you can do to make it onto my Christmas Pub Sinners list...
1) Complain about waiting five minutes to be served at a bar that is several deep and behind which both bar staff are run off their feet. Feel free to get annoyed with us if we're stood about doing nothing but when we haven't stopped in several hours we're hardly slacking, we're just fucking busy okay?!
2) Come up with stupid "I'm special" type requests. It's not unusual for pubs to shut the door at a certain time and stop letting new customers in. Last night we locked the doors at eleven, not exactly early. So when someone bangs on the door and I go over and tell them I'm sorry but it's no access after eleven, you bellowing over my shoulder "Oh let them in, they're friends of mine!!" does not matter a damn to me. They could be fucking royalty but if they turn up past the time we've locked the doors that's just too damn bad!
Oh and "we come here every Friday" doesn't cut it either!
3) Decide in your infinite wisdom to start smoking weed outside our front door. Guess what? I catch you, you're gone. No excuses, no explanations, done. Got it?!
4) Start talking to the staff like they're morons. One guy last night started shouting abuse at one of the other girls I was working with. Anyone wanna guess how many more drinks he had with us? Yep, jackus shittus as the Roman publicans likely said...! We're here to serve your drinks, not take your alcohol fuelled bullshit, and we won't take it either. Or at least no one working will be taking that crap when I'm also behind the bar!
5) Get your friends to physically hold you up because you're too drunk to stand, and then try to order another drink. Do I really need to explain why this one is a no?
6) Shout at us because we don't sell cigarettes. We. Don't. Sell. Fags. Do some fucking planning and go to a fucking shop BEFORE coming out to the pub. Dick!
7) Become deaf when you're told it's drinking up time. You will lose your drink, people learnt this little lesson last night. Well done douchecanoes, that was a waste of money! We stop serving at one, half an hour is not an "unreasonably short" time to finish what's in front of you really is it? Tell you what, remember all those boasts that you can "down a pint in ten seconds"? Prove it...
8) Not take the hint when cracking onto a barmaid. I don't wear a wedding ring for a laugh, I wear it because I'm married. And funnily enough some weedy eighteen year old drunken twat is unlikely to convince me to forego my wedding vows. And when I say "unlikely" I mean NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!! Got it? Good!
So yeah, a little thought goes a long way, and stops us laughing at you. Give it a try!
Friday 21 December 2012
Go Clean Out The Car Kid...
I'm all for kids doing chores, that was how I earned pocket money when I was at home, and I think teaching kids that everything doesn't just get handed to them on a plate is a good thing, but I also believe you should pick them carefully, and sometimes they're not the best idea.
After my craptastic drive over to my mate's I was treated to a bit of amusement outside to lighten my mood. I was getting ready to leave and was in his kitchen when I happened to look out of the window. Below us, parked in front of my car was the neighbour's car with all the doors open and their son was cleaning it out and hoovering it. Great idea I thought until I looked closer, and realised there were empty wine bottles scattered all around the car... WTF?! Two things spring to mind people -
1) What the hell has been going on in your car for there to be that many empty wine bottles that need clearing out of it?!
2) What the hell is your kid thinking? "Today I learnt that mummy and daddy are raging alcoholics... Yaaaaay, I learnt something today!!"
Seriously what the feck goes through some people's minds?! I'm certainly not averse to a glass of wine or six, and I've been known to be the designated driver who before we have an end of evening drink runs to the shops to pick up a few bottles of wine. But we, without fail, bring the wine INSIDE to drink it!!
I think the next door neighbours have some issues... ;)
After my craptastic drive over to my mate's I was treated to a bit of amusement outside to lighten my mood. I was getting ready to leave and was in his kitchen when I happened to look out of the window. Below us, parked in front of my car was the neighbour's car with all the doors open and their son was cleaning it out and hoovering it. Great idea I thought until I looked closer, and realised there were empty wine bottles scattered all around the car... WTF?! Two things spring to mind people -
1) What the hell has been going on in your car for there to be that many empty wine bottles that need clearing out of it?!
2) What the hell is your kid thinking? "Today I learnt that mummy and daddy are raging alcoholics... Yaaaaay, I learnt something today!!"
Seriously what the feck goes through some people's minds?! I'm certainly not averse to a glass of wine or six, and I've been known to be the designated driver who before we have an end of evening drink runs to the shops to pick up a few bottles of wine. But we, without fail, bring the wine INSIDE to drink it!!
I think the next door neighbours have some issues... ;)
Driving Me Round The Sodding Twist!!!
Sooooo, when I decided to not go back to work this year and do my book instead one of my first thoughts was I would get a break from the rampant stupidity displayed every day on the tube, but what I forgot to take into consideration was I would be leaving myself open to the abject stupidity of other people's lives, namely their epic driving skills...
Now today my father in law kindly offered to take the school run off my hands, thereby giving me time to do my own thing and get some writing done, very much appreciated! One thing I did need to do was get my arse round to my friend's place to pick up my portion of our order for oils n' stuff for our wonderful smoking gizmos. No problem, all I had to do was drop by a cash point and then drive the two miles to his, nice and easy yeah? NO! It took me twenty bloody minutes to do a three minute drive!!!
Firstly, the cashpoint stop. There is one right by my mum's so the cunning plan was out of my road, thirty seconds to hers and pick up cash, plus it's on the way. I didn't even make it out of my road before epic stupidity reared it's butt ugly head. There are two lanes to get out of my road, one for left and straight on, one for right, pretty simple. Until some utter dickshit pulls up on the left, no problem so far, but leaves the car's back end sticking so far out it's not so much "parked" as it is ABANDONED!!!! Blocked the whole left lane and it took ages for everyone to creepy past in the right, dickhead!! And he was a taxi driver, even more annoying then! I've attached a pic for sharing of stupidity factor! Aaaargh!
Well I finally got past him, sailed through to my mum's and whacked the car into her parking space, ran to bank and shop and was on my way once more with no issue. "Great," thinks I, "I've left the idiots behind me." Oh no, stupid stupid thing to think, hello jinx you little shit!!
As I drove up to said mates I decided to have a giggle and had decided when I got there I would start shouting through his letterbox that I was there to pick up "the goods" and leave his neighbours thinking he was a drug dealer. Might not sound funny to all, but he would've seen the comedy so all good. ;)
Decided to take the back roads, quieter I figured, until I realised that there's a school on the way and it was school run time... Balls! I figured it'd be slow, but I no idea! I crawled my way past, being considerate and trying to force back the thoughts of carnage at the planks quite happily leading their children through moving traffic. Maybe they'd not bought the Christmas presents yet and figured if they got their kids run over it would save them some money...
Anyway, got to a point where the traffic just ground to a halt, and I don't mean for a minute, I didn't move for like ten minutes!! People were turning round behind me, but as I was about fifty feet from the turning I needed I was determined to stay the course! Finally we got moving and I found out why we had been stuck there for so long. Some twatty fuckstick had PARKED his farkin' BMW in the middle of the road while he walked down to meet his kids at the school gate! No, you didn't read that wrong. Parked, middle of road, twat!!
The school in question has a pretty crap reputation, but now I've worked out the kids aren't at fault at all. If that is the general level of logic applied by the parents how can those kids learn any sort of common sense!!! I mean seriously?! I thought them double width parking outside the gates was bad but at least those ones left one line open for traffic!
THEN he had the fucking gall to start swearing at the people who'd been gridlocked waiting for him as if we were being unreasonable for looking ever so slightly (or in my case monumentally) hacked off at his behaviour. Dude, your kid is screwed! The only actual "looking up" that kid could possibly do towards his dad will likely end the day he's no longer taller than him! Or at least I hope so, or the future is fucked!
Needless to say by the time I did actually get where I was going I was in no mood for puckish behaviour and instead poor mate had to listen to me rant for about five minutes over how retarded the drivers in this town are! Next time sod it, I'm going to pretend I'm live playing Grand Theft Auto and I'm mowing the freaks down!! I can't be the only person who'd have been happy if someone had stolen his bloody Beamer!
Oh tube morons, I miss you!! :/
Now today my father in law kindly offered to take the school run off my hands, thereby giving me time to do my own thing and get some writing done, very much appreciated! One thing I did need to do was get my arse round to my friend's place to pick up my portion of our order for oils n' stuff for our wonderful smoking gizmos. No problem, all I had to do was drop by a cash point and then drive the two miles to his, nice and easy yeah? NO! It took me twenty bloody minutes to do a three minute drive!!!
Firstly, the cashpoint stop. There is one right by my mum's so the cunning plan was out of my road, thirty seconds to hers and pick up cash, plus it's on the way. I didn't even make it out of my road before epic stupidity reared it's butt ugly head. There are two lanes to get out of my road, one for left and straight on, one for right, pretty simple. Until some utter dickshit pulls up on the left, no problem so far, but leaves the car's back end sticking so far out it's not so much "parked" as it is ABANDONED!!!! Blocked the whole left lane and it took ages for everyone to creepy past in the right, dickhead!! And he was a taxi driver, even more annoying then! I've attached a pic for sharing of stupidity factor! Aaaargh!
Well I finally got past him, sailed through to my mum's and whacked the car into her parking space, ran to bank and shop and was on my way once more with no issue. "Great," thinks I, "I've left the idiots behind me." Oh no, stupid stupid thing to think, hello jinx you little shit!!
As I drove up to said mates I decided to have a giggle and had decided when I got there I would start shouting through his letterbox that I was there to pick up "the goods" and leave his neighbours thinking he was a drug dealer. Might not sound funny to all, but he would've seen the comedy so all good. ;)
Decided to take the back roads, quieter I figured, until I realised that there's a school on the way and it was school run time... Balls! I figured it'd be slow, but I no idea! I crawled my way past, being considerate and trying to force back the thoughts of carnage at the planks quite happily leading their children through moving traffic. Maybe they'd not bought the Christmas presents yet and figured if they got their kids run over it would save them some money...
Anyway, got to a point where the traffic just ground to a halt, and I don't mean for a minute, I didn't move for like ten minutes!! People were turning round behind me, but as I was about fifty feet from the turning I needed I was determined to stay the course! Finally we got moving and I found out why we had been stuck there for so long. Some twatty fuckstick had PARKED his farkin' BMW in the middle of the road while he walked down to meet his kids at the school gate! No, you didn't read that wrong. Parked, middle of road, twat!!
The school in question has a pretty crap reputation, but now I've worked out the kids aren't at fault at all. If that is the general level of logic applied by the parents how can those kids learn any sort of common sense!!! I mean seriously?! I thought them double width parking outside the gates was bad but at least those ones left one line open for traffic!
THEN he had the fucking gall to start swearing at the people who'd been gridlocked waiting for him as if we were being unreasonable for looking ever so slightly (or in my case monumentally) hacked off at his behaviour. Dude, your kid is screwed! The only actual "looking up" that kid could possibly do towards his dad will likely end the day he's no longer taller than him! Or at least I hope so, or the future is fucked!
Needless to say by the time I did actually get where I was going I was in no mood for puckish behaviour and instead poor mate had to listen to me rant for about five minutes over how retarded the drivers in this town are! Next time sod it, I'm going to pretend I'm live playing Grand Theft Auto and I'm mowing the freaks down!! I can't be the only person who'd have been happy if someone had stolen his bloody Beamer!
Oh tube morons, I miss you!! :/
Thursday 20 December 2012
Confessions Of A Vapist...
Last year I wrote about my decision to quit smoking, and I think my continued contribution into the pockets of the makers of Camel cigarettes proved that my efforts were somewhat failing... My husband's steadfast dedication to his nicotine fix certainly didn't help either, add a few glasses of wine and the answer to "Are you coming for a smoke?" annoyingly becomes a swift affirmative. Or at least it used to...
One of my best friends discovered something a few months ago, an e-cigarette known as the Odyssey. This little (and when I say little it is with a huge dose of tongue in cheek, it being one of the heftiest fake cigarettes I've ever seen) gizmo combines flavoured oil with a touch of nicotine and you're basically smoking water vapour once the battery is applied and the burner heats the oil.
Well I figured anything that could change someone from smoking a twenty deck a day, scarily at a cost of about £250 a month, to using just this Odyssey at about £35 a month for oils was worth a punt. So I bit the bullet and logged on to order one.
The next day my package of new "smoking" paraphernalia turned up and I excitedly tore into the box and put the Odyssey together. It takes five to ten minutes to prime the cartomizer which is where the oil burns and produces the steam, but other than that it's pretty quick to assemble. It also comes with two rechargeable batteries which is brilliant because otherwise you'd have to buy so many it would become ridiculously expensive! So anyway, it's all assembled, and I've primed and filled it with my oil of choice, I went for cherry which actually tastes like cherry drops for those my age, cherry lips for anyone younger... ;) Well, thought I, time to give it a try!
This is when I hit my little gripe at the Odyssey. Rechargeable batteries are brilliant, until you realise that you can't use any other batteries in it and the ones they send you arrive without any charge... So having bought and assembled your new toy, you can't use it for at least four hours wile the batteries charge. I think I gave up after three hours and put a partially charged one in there which was fine but still kind of annoying. For me it didn't make much a difference, I didn't smoke many a day at that point but for someone who does smoke heavily they probably end up doing five or six cigarettes while waiting to be able to quit smoking... Lol!!
This hurdle overcome I started on the Odyssey proper, and I'll tell you what, it's lovely! The flavours in the oils don't taste horribly chemical, they're actually very pleasant, although obviously some experimenting is needed to find the right flavour. Within a week I was a little sick of the cherry flavouring, but this might also have something to do with the cartomizer, as the original set comes with a single coil cartomizer which burns oil quite unevenly, burns it fast so you get through a lot of it initially and is also prone to flooding which means you end up with a touch of warm oil in your mouth; not pleasant I assure you!
At this point I'd probably had one cigarette in the week I'd been using the Odyssey, so it was working but the issues I was having and the amount of oil I was using was starting to put me off. On the advice of the friend who'd originally put me onto this path I ordered some dual coil cartomizers along with some new oil, this time I decided to try coconut.
Although I should've had them the next day it took a couple to turn up, though I would say that was due to Royal Mail's issue and not the company I ordered from. Once installed, primed and coconut'd I gave it another try. What a difference!!! The coconut was a nicer taste, to me anyway, the dual coil was much more efficient and gave me a smoother flavour as well as burning at a better rate. One pot of oil lasted me about a week with the initial combo of single coil and cherry, on the dual coil with the coconut it's lasted me three...!
So, now I've been using the Odyssey for four weeks basically, during which time I've not bought any cigarettes, I've still got five or six in the box I bought over a month ago sat in the living room, and I've had maybe four cigarettes at the pub. Two things with the ones I have had though -
1) I have only smoked cigarettes when I've run out of batteries so can't use the Odyssey.
2) The cigarettes I've had since moving off them? Tasted fucking vile!!!! Seriously how did I manage puffing on like five or ten of those things a day?! Bleugh!
So personally I'm sold, no smoke or tar, and you can choose the level of nicotine from 0 to 32mg per pot of oil. So if, like me, your addiction is more about the physical smoking rather than the nicotine it's perfect! At the moment I'm using the 8mg nicotine setting, it's the lowest one, but I think in a couple of weeks I'll just drop it down to 0mg.
So I think I can pretty much now say I don't smoke, I vape. Ladies and gentleman, I am a vapist!
Check it out for yourself those of you who smoke, you never know, you might like it!
www.totallywicked-eliquid.co.uk
One of my best friends discovered something a few months ago, an e-cigarette known as the Odyssey. This little (and when I say little it is with a huge dose of tongue in cheek, it being one of the heftiest fake cigarettes I've ever seen) gizmo combines flavoured oil with a touch of nicotine and you're basically smoking water vapour once the battery is applied and the burner heats the oil.
Well I figured anything that could change someone from smoking a twenty deck a day, scarily at a cost of about £250 a month, to using just this Odyssey at about £35 a month for oils was worth a punt. So I bit the bullet and logged on to order one.
The next day my package of new "smoking" paraphernalia turned up and I excitedly tore into the box and put the Odyssey together. It takes five to ten minutes to prime the cartomizer which is where the oil burns and produces the steam, but other than that it's pretty quick to assemble. It also comes with two rechargeable batteries which is brilliant because otherwise you'd have to buy so many it would become ridiculously expensive! So anyway, it's all assembled, and I've primed and filled it with my oil of choice, I went for cherry which actually tastes like cherry drops for those my age, cherry lips for anyone younger... ;) Well, thought I, time to give it a try!
This is when I hit my little gripe at the Odyssey. Rechargeable batteries are brilliant, until you realise that you can't use any other batteries in it and the ones they send you arrive without any charge... So having bought and assembled your new toy, you can't use it for at least four hours wile the batteries charge. I think I gave up after three hours and put a partially charged one in there which was fine but still kind of annoying. For me it didn't make much a difference, I didn't smoke many a day at that point but for someone who does smoke heavily they probably end up doing five or six cigarettes while waiting to be able to quit smoking... Lol!!
This hurdle overcome I started on the Odyssey proper, and I'll tell you what, it's lovely! The flavours in the oils don't taste horribly chemical, they're actually very pleasant, although obviously some experimenting is needed to find the right flavour. Within a week I was a little sick of the cherry flavouring, but this might also have something to do with the cartomizer, as the original set comes with a single coil cartomizer which burns oil quite unevenly, burns it fast so you get through a lot of it initially and is also prone to flooding which means you end up with a touch of warm oil in your mouth; not pleasant I assure you!
At this point I'd probably had one cigarette in the week I'd been using the Odyssey, so it was working but the issues I was having and the amount of oil I was using was starting to put me off. On the advice of the friend who'd originally put me onto this path I ordered some dual coil cartomizers along with some new oil, this time I decided to try coconut.
Although I should've had them the next day it took a couple to turn up, though I would say that was due to Royal Mail's issue and not the company I ordered from. Once installed, primed and coconut'd I gave it another try. What a difference!!! The coconut was a nicer taste, to me anyway, the dual coil was much more efficient and gave me a smoother flavour as well as burning at a better rate. One pot of oil lasted me about a week with the initial combo of single coil and cherry, on the dual coil with the coconut it's lasted me three...!
So, now I've been using the Odyssey for four weeks basically, during which time I've not bought any cigarettes, I've still got five or six in the box I bought over a month ago sat in the living room, and I've had maybe four cigarettes at the pub. Two things with the ones I have had though -
1) I have only smoked cigarettes when I've run out of batteries so can't use the Odyssey.
2) The cigarettes I've had since moving off them? Tasted fucking vile!!!! Seriously how did I manage puffing on like five or ten of those things a day?! Bleugh!
So personally I'm sold, no smoke or tar, and you can choose the level of nicotine from 0 to 32mg per pot of oil. So if, like me, your addiction is more about the physical smoking rather than the nicotine it's perfect! At the moment I'm using the 8mg nicotine setting, it's the lowest one, but I think in a couple of weeks I'll just drop it down to 0mg.
So I think I can pretty much now say I don't smoke, I vape. Ladies and gentleman, I am a vapist!
Check it out for yourself those of you who smoke, you never know, you might like it!
www.totallywicked-eliquid.co.uk
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