The Science of Stupidity

There is not much I find more amusing that people who cannot identify just how high the levels of stupidity spilling from their open mouths are. It's especially delightful when that stupidity is laced with a huge dollop of irony, and this morning I had a perfect example of it.

As most of you know, I commute into London every day. To some this is their idea of hell, and would prefer to work closer to home or work somewhere that they can reach in the comfort of their own car, but for me the London commute is perfect. I get my morning exercise in the fifteen to twenty minute walk to the station which wakes me up, and I then have half an hour on the overground to London and around twenty minutes on the underground to reach my office.

Anyway, for the overground section of the trip I pretty much always manage to find myself a seat to curl up against the window and read or play a game on my phone or something. And Southwest Trains have the wonders of modern design known as the "quiet zones", which are my little havens of tranquility in the middle of the hectic crazy fest which is commuter trains! This morning I found myself a little corner of a quiet zone and settled down reading the iBook I'm currently enjoying. As is my habit I also put my headphones in on the off chance someone should call me so I can get rid of them as quickly as possible.

Sat opposite me was a rather charming looking gentleman. He had the kind of hair that screamed "accept you're going bald and shave me", the kind of suit you just wanted to take away and iron and the kind of perma scowl that could probably benefit from the self same iron as well! As I got on he was deep in conversation with the gentleman sat next to him, a colleague of his I would assume, and his perma scowl deepened as I dared to take the seat opposite which required him moving his legs. Shame, I felt guilt for oooooh no seconds and just settled myself down.

We passed through the first stop without issue but after that he kept stopping his very loud conversation to look over at me and scowl even more. I had no idea exactly what was twisting his panties so I ignored it until finally he decided to address me.

"Excuse me, excuse me! Are you aware that this is a quiet carriage?"
"Um yes, hence the little blue stickers everywhere..?"
"Well as you've seen the signs why can't you follow their instructions?! Your bloody music is interupting our conversation!"

One of my favourite replies ever - "I don't have anything playing through my headphones so I don't know what you're hearing... but as you've mentioned we're in a quiet zone could you keep your voice down please?"

Stupid people are brilliant fun, especially when they don't know just how stupid they are...