The Post Christmas / Pre New Year Commute

This is a really strange time for the commuters. On one hand we're going to work, so all you happy people still tucked up in bed because you've managed to either find a company that shuts over the end of December or have managed to book the time off are not exactly riding high in our estimations right now... In fact the reality that I had to get up at seven o'clock this morning whilst my husband happily snoozed away was truly galling, especially as being the lovely wife that I am I didn't have the heart to "accidentally" wake him up... Tempting though, very very tempting...!

But on the other hand it does manage to bring around a bizarre kind of camaraderie amongst those of us actually making the trek to our respective offices, it's almost friendly!

Now I'll talk to anyone. The fact that I love writing this kind of proves it already, but I find people fascinating so if someone wants to talk, I'll talk. (Within reason, let's be realistic, the drunk guy in the pub last week who kept wanting to kiss my hand... yeah not so much him for example!) As I stood freezing my proverbials off at the platform this morning a woman turned to me and commented that everyone looked so "happy" to be heading back to work. I laughed and agreed, and from that we struck up a random conversation. I'd wager half my friends do not know whereabouts in London, and yet she now knows. And yes the chances are very high that I will never encounter this woman again, we do live in the same town though at opposite ends and it's not that small a place, but we brightened each other's commute just a fraction. There is a lovely novelty to people on public transport being willing to talk, and although it did improve my morning I think I would find it disconcerting if it was like that all the time, I mean they must be after something right...?

I don't know about everyone else but the other thing I like it not needing to worry too much about what you wear to work. Today for example I'm in simple jeans and a black top, can't go wrong, oh and a fleece because apparently our maintenance department seem to think we're in the southern hemisphere and it's summer as far as I can tell! It does make you think though, when you're not in a customer facing job why does it matter what we wear to work? I mean me being in jeans doesn't suddenly empty my brain of the required information, intelligence or general ability to do my job does it? I used to have electric blue extensions in my hair and I loved them, but I had to have them taken out when I was interviewing because quite simply people would have taken me less seriously because I choose to have a small amount of blue showing in my hair... I don't get it personally.

But I'm getting off topic. My point is that we are all just that little bit more relaxed about work over this period. It's more something that we have to do and no one is happy about it so we all just give each other a little bit of a break over it. The general London commuter's shell cracks just that tiny little bit of add some levity, the boss' tend to be a little more relaxed about start times because the trains are all over the place, and most of us finish early. Though, it would seem, not us this year...!

Ah well, New Years is almost upon us and I have a party to plan! That, if nothing else, will keep my smile and good mood firmly in place until the end of the week! Christmas is definitely for kids, but New Years, oh yes that's for us grown ups! Bring it on!!!

Congratulations, You've Managed To Dodge Racism By Being Racist... Twunt!

One of my absolute favourite comedians is Tim Minchin, I think he's absolutely hilarious plus being a bloody talented musician and very intelligent to boot. You might have guessed by now I'm kind of a fan. In fact he inspired the wording for one of my tattoos, but that's another blog on another day, I'm building up to a tattooist judgementalist rant I'm sure..!!

Here's the thing though. A lot of Tim Minchin's pieces are not exactly PC, but he's never come across as trying to be offensive, but rather finds the amusing side of everything. I mean for crying out loud he has one song entitled "A Ten Foot Cock and A Few Hundred Virgins"...! It's light hearted though. Simples.

He's been on the Jonathon Ross show a few times, and obviously enjoys doing it and also obviously is popular with said Ross due to the repeat invites. This year he was asked to write a Pre-Christmas show song for them. Which he did. Regardless of not really having time. Then he filmed it. Then he bolted across London to get to the next thing he needed to be at. Then the show was checked, editted and submitted to the ITV director, Peter Fincham.

Who cut it... Because it's talking about Jesus and Jews....

So, you cut something you assume will be taken as racist, by assuming certain people will be offended. Racist attitude to have really...

Check out Tim's blog and the video of the song is thankfully at the bottom, because it's awesome! Enjoy and Merry Jewish Christmas!

http://www.timminchin.com/2011/12/22/im-not-on-the-jonathan-ross-show/

Have A Tubetastic Boxing Day Y'all!!!

Four days till Christmas people!!!

And five days until the London Underground grinds to a halt once more under strike action because the poor little darlings aren't being given triple pay and a day of in lieu.... Oh their poor widdle feelings, check the bleeding heart ruining my clothing... Oh how I pity you, let me count the ways...

• Their contracts state they work public holidays, pretty sure Boxing Day is one of them.
• They are already being bribed £ 1,800 EACH to agree to not strike in the middle of the 2012 Olympics.
• By the end of next year tube drivers will earn somewhere in the region of FIFTY TWO THOUSAND POUNDS...
• They get free travel as part of their benefits, saving them a total bloody fortune!
• They now strike so bloody regularly that I really couldn't give a crap what they're striking for, I just smile when they don't get whatever it was they were after!

There are roughly two million unemployed people in the UK at the moment. I'd lay bets a large proportion of them would like to have a job. So if the poor ickle tube drivers are just sooooooooooooo unhappy with their job status FIRE THE LOT OF THEM!!!! It's not complicated!

Plus go down this route and maybe future generations of tube drivers will realise they don't get to hold the capital to ransom just because they want to screw us out of yet more money! Win sodding win!

Let The World Domination Commence!!

As most of you have, hopefully, seen I have finally migrated myself and my musings to Facebook. Not only does this mean that I can try and pimp myself out even further afield, but also I can start doing "mini posts". So by getting involved on Facebook you'll not only see the regular blog updates but also additional extras of random things that I see that make me laugh or shake my head in that "facepalm" kind of way. Yay for the random!

Now fly my pretties and spread the word of the sinners...!!! Bwaaaaahahahahahahaa... *kof kof kof* Ahem, sorry 'bout that....!

Just Wrong!!!

I don't often post about stuff that I haven't personally witnessed, in fact this may well be the first time I have, but I think it's worth pausing for a moment to appreciate the real "ick" factor of these two people.

Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden....

I mean what the ever living hell...?! I just cannot fathom these two, or even work out how to adequately voice the horror I feel whenever I see anything with their names crosses my computer screen.

If you haven't experienced the delight that is this train wreck couple, he's a fifty odd year old actor best known for his role in The Green Mile and she is (apparently) seventeen and an aspiring... well, just aspiring! Her parents had to grant their blessing for the wedding due to her age, but she looks a hell of a lot older, and not in a good way!

Around Halloween they got thrown off a pumpkin patch for their "overly sexual" PDAs... Then just the other week they were photographed going for a walk and she was wearing, of course, a tiny red bikini, hooker heels and a fur coat, that's it.

And now their latest, which is what has tipped me over the edge to true "omfg'edness" is their Christmas pictures. She in a tiny red shorts style bikini and him dressed as Santa. Basically it looks like Santa getting a frickin' lapdance while Mrs Claus is out the way for the day. It's truly truly terrifying in it's grossness. Check it out, words cannot adequately describe it...!!!

Observational Fail

I do try and give most people the benefit of the doubt, I really do, but sometimes I just get to the point where I can't.

A little while ago my husband, a friend and I had dropped into the pub for a quick drink, nothing major but just a nice relaxing half hour or hour. All three of us smoke, to differing degrees, but we decided to all go outside and have a cigarette so we left our drinks on the table plus put my handbag where I could see it from outside the front door.

I tend to smoke a little faster, especially now the weather is getting colder, so I was the first one back inside and at the table, where there was my glass of wine, and the boy's two pint glasses. As I sat there alone a guy walked over and said "Excuse me, is anyone else sitting here?"

Okay, he was polite, BIG saving grace in my book, and the only reason he didn't get the comment "No, I'm just really thirsty and didn't know what I fancied...!". Instead I very simply told him that my husband and friend were sitting there so sorry there wasn't space for him, and then I turned back to my phone.

I looked up again about thirty seconds later and he's still stood there staring confusedly at the two pint glasses and seats. Oh. My. God! The overwhelming temptation to tell him to stop staring because it's rude and it's not their fault they're imaginary people and thereby invisible to everyone but me....

Mate I was trying, really trying to not assume you're a moron, but seriously WORK WITH ME PEOPLE!!

Bless.

The Obligatory Christmas Message

Apparently, according to several of my readers, I am obligated to get all festive and write a Christmas blog. Hmmmm, well I have to admit I’m not entirely convinced about the whole “forced festivity” bit but who am I to disappoint? So here you go, my Christmas message.

I don’t really “get” Christmas, or rather the entire hype over it. As far as I can see it’s basically an excuse for us to buy gifts for each other that we most often can’t afford and eat far more junk food than we ever should... Yes I can understand it for children completely, it’s great fun. So for my Christmas message I think I’ll focus on the kiddy aspects!

I loved Christmas as a kid, it was just the coolest time ever, might have had something to do with my mum and dad spoiling us rotten! But of course, they did it for themselves rather than us kids! I’m sure it was just my parent’s favourite time of the year when they had to stay up half the night waiting for me to finally go to sleep so they could creep round the house pretending to be a fat dude with a sack of presents..!

Santa however, scared me. I remember once when I was about five or so my grandfather offered to play Santa at my school. I knew Santa was alright, I knew it was my grandfather dressed up as Santa, but could they get me within five feet of him without me screaming the place down? Could they hell! Second we left, no problem, but no one was getting me to go and sit on Santa’s knee. I seriously don’t know what my issue was though!

My parents did make a couple of concessions away from the norm. In our house Santa didn’t want milk and cookies, he damn well wanted two glasses of sherry and some mince pies and that’s exactly what he got every year! And he reached a point where he was going to deliver my presents into my parent’s room because I was making him late by refusing point blank to go to sleep! I still actually have no idea what they used to use on the carrots to make them look like they’d been “reindeer nibbled” and nine times out of ten they forgot to empty the bowl of water I wanted to leave out for Rudolph. What the hell I thought the other reindeers would be drinking I have no idea; I think callous youth overrode my concern! No way were either of my parents going to go around making reindeer tracks around the fireplace, after all they would have to clear it up again afterwards and that would put me off I think!

Tell you what though, I’m learning a new appreciation for my parents. How galling is it to invest a huge amount of time and effort, not to mention the money, on all these mountains of presents only to have the credit taken by a mythological reverse burglar who breaks in every year?!

I do wish you all a very merry Christmas. Personally I will spend the morning being rudely awoken by a hyperactive short person tearing through the flat with the speed and bounciness to make Hurricane Katrina look like a summer breeze. Then I will be going around to my mother’s to make us Christmas dinner and, to put it mildly, get thoroughly sloshed! I know that many people seem to find it completely unfathomable that my husband and I may not be having Christmas lunch together, but I think we’ll just about cope with being separated for a whole couple of hours...

So enjoy the over indulgence, enjoy the family and friends and enjoy the whole thing. But the closest I’ll be getting to a Christmas spirit is the vodka in my freezer... Bah humbug, Christmas can remain the kid’s domain that I think it should be!