This is a story I was told by a friend of mine, and I found it so bizarre and funny that I just had to share.
The story starts with a woman, a very patient and giving woman I'm assuming as she is a carer to special needs children. For a moment of seriousness I have the utmost respect for anyone who can do a job like this, I know I wouldn't have what it takes!
Anyway, back to the funny.
This woman was caring for a particular boy who, it happens, apparently has a fascination with penguins. These cute little tuxedoed waddlers are undoubtably fun and amusing but I have to admit they're not my personal furry of choice. Give me a tiger any day!
So the idea this woman comes up with is to take the kiddo to the zoo, perfect! So off they go with visions of penguins playing around the boy's head as he gleefully looks forward to the day's excursion.
Upon their arrival, and to help teach him some independence I assume, the arrangement is made that they will split up for a period of time and arrange when and where they will meet up later. So off he happily trots.
The designated time arrives to meet, as does the boy, and having established that yes he's had a great time it's now time for them to head home.
The journey home is uneventful but upon arriving home the young man vanished upstairs into the bathroom and locked the door.
He's apparently not allowed to lock it so was asked nicely to unlock the door, which he refused to do. There followed a decent period of time during which he was repeatedly asked to open the door and he repeatedly and adamantly refused. So finally the threat of breaking the lock and forcing the door is put to him, still met by a stubborn refusal to open it.
Well you can't just make threats like that and not follow through, so the door was then forced open. She walked into the room and saw.... any guesses? The boy, in the bath, with a penguin...
Yes a living, breathing, squawking, fish eating, real live penguin... Which had, apparently, been transported home in the boy's backpack..!!
Now I cannot for the life of me work out how this kid could have managed to get a penguin into his backpack, or how on earth he got it home without anyone hearing or noticing anything!!
Don't worry animal lovers, the zoo was called and they came to retrieve their missing tuxedo, but seriously they need to check their security!!! As for me, I think I need to talk to this kid, I mean I do love tigers...
Disclaimer - No animals were hurt during the writing of this blog...
Monday 31 October 2011
Thursday 6 October 2011
The Train Is Late Why...?!
During my time so far as a London commuter I have heard some truly bizarre reasons for a train being delayed and/or cancelled. So I thought I'd give myself (and hopefully you) a laugh with a meander down memory lane of a few.
1) Surfs Up!
This was maybe two years back but it's remained stuck in my mind.
My now husband had given me a lift to the station one morning, either he had the day off or he was on gardening leave at the time but I can't remember which.
As he dropped me off the train was on the platform so I rushed through to get it only to be told that not only could I not get on this train but there would be none running through our station for a while. Apparently some brainiac had travelled up from Southampton with the intention of train surfing from Guildford to London and graffiti'ing every bridge on the way down.
Okay, not my idea of fun but each to their own.
What had happened was that this paragon of forward planning had failed to identify the low bridge between two of the stops... I'm guessing details aren't required as to his state of being at the time! The train was most definitely not going anywhere and I felt genuinely sorry for the police officers having to explain to people what had happened whilst trying to not smile...
After a little attempted rerouting of my commute I gave up and took a days leave, and for those of you wondering yes he did survive. I really hope he's incapable of reproducing though, not sure natural selection is equipped to deal with more of him...!
2) Dodgy Turn
Announcement on the train itself - This service will not be able to run because a passenger has been taken ill.
Okay, I would hate to be in their position. A train is hardly the ideal place to be struggling. But this situation only occurs when the train has not yet left it's originating station, they wouldn't cancel it mid service.
Maybe I'm being unfair here but surely this can be rectified to everyone's best interests to MOVE THEM OFF THE TRAIN?! Then the train can leave, and the poor sod who's feeling lousy can actually get the help they need, it's not rocket science is it? If you were going to faint would you want to do it on a train carriage floor? Did you read the results of the lab tests on the seats? Granted that was the tube, but if you haven't read them look them up! AFTER eating....!
3) Smash and Dash
Train damage...Tube train, on way down Bakerloo line. Everyone has to disembark and wait for the next one. And why? Because some moronic tool has decided to swing something at the outside of the train when it pulled into Oxford Circus and they've managed to smash out one of the windows... Seriously? Who's that bored?!
And I missed my train... *grumble* But it meant stopping for a glass of wine... *lack of grumbling* :-D
Give them credit, even when they have to screw your day up by removing service, oftentime it is for amusing reasons which does soften the blow somewhat. And if that doesn't work, I can't think of a single London station that doesn't have a drinking establishment within 500 feet of it's exit, if not on the premises...! That's got to help!
UDI...
We've all experienced one, whether we know it or not.
They're confusing, confounding and can be a little bit scary.
There is never a warning, we never know when they'll show up.
This is not a UFO, it's much worse.
A UDI - An Unidentifiable Drinking Injury....
*ominous drum roll*
They're confusing, confounding and can be a little bit scary.
There is never a warning, we never know when they'll show up.
This is not a UFO, it's much worse.
A UDI - An Unidentifiable Drinking Injury....
*ominous drum roll*
Wednesday 5 October 2011
A Taste Of London
With all the beautiful weather last week it seemed a complete waste to travel home on a hot and sweaty Bakerloo line underground train, squeezed in with a multitude of sweaty office workers who's "fragrant" scent fill the air, or rather the lack of air... So the obvious choice, plus better exercise wise, was to get myself walking back through the parks again, which is what we did.
But as I do this fairly often, and never really stop to enjoy the view properly I thought I would photo chart my walk back and share a little taste of this gorgeous city, looking especially stunning in the sunshine.
My first stop of the day is Hyde Park, beautiful and hazy in the summer sunshine. Wish I'd spent the day sat out on the grass like the woman below. Lucky cow!
One of the things I love most about Hyde Park is the diversity. You'll see everything and anything on any given day. Today apparently was the excuse to get the horses out of the riding school to stretch their legs. They seemed to be giving their riders a bit of a run for their money, but if you spent most of the time in a barn doing laps wouldn't you be chomping at the bit (pardon the pun, or not) to enjoy the sunshine?
Ah the good old Boris bikers! Nothing makes you look quite so cool as cycling around on a plastic bike with a Barclays logo on the front right?
Beautiful, perfect place to sit and read a book while dodging the tourists, cyclists and joggers. Still get to see all the weird and wonderful though!
Hyde Park Screen, often apparently called Hyde Park Gate in error. Also known as the worst possible place to try and drive in London during rush hour. The stream of walkers and cyclists is pretty much never ending and right here is a double pedestrian crossing - I don't even want to think how long it'd take a car to make it past!
The Wellington Arch is up next, through which you can see Green Park and Constitution Hill. Apparently Constitution Hill is so named from King Charles II taking his daily constitutional walks there. See, this blog is educational as much as anything else! :-D
I still think it would be hugely amusing to actually have the Quadriga atop the arch mounted on a turntable which turns over a period of twenty four hours. Would confuse the hell out of the tourists!!!
After crossing over onto Constitution Hill the next landmark is the Memorial Gates, comemorating Commonwealth soldiers. There's a constant supply of memorial wreaths kept here, a fitting tribute to bravery in my opinion.
If you now look to your left you will see Green Park, where the great unwashed of London go to exercise. You'll usually see footballers, runners and often British Military Fitness instructors here. I'm glad at this point I'm walking, otherwise all that exercise might make me feel guilty!
Oh and there's always dogwalkers, and for some reason Green Park seems to attract the cutest dogs. Maybe it's because I'm picturing them chasing the footballers...
Buckingham Palace. Need I say more? I figured I couldn't do this route without including it. It only ever impacts us when they've had a party on and you get a fabulous juxtaposition of exercising commuters and smartly dressed palace visitors. On the day in question nothing was occuring so I'm afraid no picture of the strange sight, I will however keep my eyes peeled!
Once halfway down the Mall we pitch a right turn and head into St James' Park, with of course the typically British deckchairs... But with an open area sun trap like this, why not?!
And ahead of us we have the Household Cavalry Museum. Never actually realised that's what it was, but it does make for a far prettier walk than across Trafalgar Square and through Charing Cross Station!
There's usually the guards out when we walk through the archway to Whitehall and naturally this means the usual contingent of camera happy tourists all taking pictures and trying to get a reaction from the long suffering guardsmen! I wonder just how many people's holiday snaps I'm in...?
And now we have reached Whitehall, turning left you can see Nelson's Column rising above Trafalgar Square. This is where we encountered the grumpy tranny arguing with the police. Like I said, the weird and wonderful...
I love this building, but I have no idea what it is! There's something about stunning architecture in sunlight though. If anyone can tell me, please post a comment and let me know! It's on Horse Guards Avenue.
And directly opposite the beautiful architecture we have the Ministry of Defence, which of course wouldn't be complete without the two naked sculptures framing the doorway... How much time do you think the occupants spend checking them out through the window?
At Embankment it's a right turn over Hungerford Bridge, and past one of my favourite views in London. Straight down the Thames past Southbank and the Oxo Tower. Shame about the Buttplug, sorry I mean Gherkin, ruining the skyline now though...
And finally we reach Waterloo, around an hour and ten after leaving Paddington. Nice crowd of people that day hey? And it's usually so quiet...! At this point we generally just want to get to our train and sit down, but feeling good about the four and a half miles we've just done.
But as I do this fairly often, and never really stop to enjoy the view properly I thought I would photo chart my walk back and share a little taste of this gorgeous city, looking especially stunning in the sunshine.
My first stop of the day is Hyde Park, beautiful and hazy in the summer sunshine. Wish I'd spent the day sat out on the grass like the woman below. Lucky cow!
One of the things I love most about Hyde Park is the diversity. You'll see everything and anything on any given day. Today apparently was the excuse to get the horses out of the riding school to stretch their legs. They seemed to be giving their riders a bit of a run for their money, but if you spent most of the time in a barn doing laps wouldn't you be chomping at the bit (pardon the pun, or not) to enjoy the sunshine?
Ah the good old Boris bikers! Nothing makes you look quite so cool as cycling around on a plastic bike with a Barclays logo on the front right?
Beautiful, perfect place to sit and read a book while dodging the tourists, cyclists and joggers. Still get to see all the weird and wonderful though!
Hyde Park Screen, often apparently called Hyde Park Gate in error. Also known as the worst possible place to try and drive in London during rush hour. The stream of walkers and cyclists is pretty much never ending and right here is a double pedestrian crossing - I don't even want to think how long it'd take a car to make it past!
The Wellington Arch is up next, through which you can see Green Park and Constitution Hill. Apparently Constitution Hill is so named from King Charles II taking his daily constitutional walks there. See, this blog is educational as much as anything else! :-D
I still think it would be hugely amusing to actually have the Quadriga atop the arch mounted on a turntable which turns over a period of twenty four hours. Would confuse the hell out of the tourists!!!
After crossing over onto Constitution Hill the next landmark is the Memorial Gates, comemorating Commonwealth soldiers. There's a constant supply of memorial wreaths kept here, a fitting tribute to bravery in my opinion.
If you now look to your left you will see Green Park, where the great unwashed of London go to exercise. You'll usually see footballers, runners and often British Military Fitness instructors here. I'm glad at this point I'm walking, otherwise all that exercise might make me feel guilty!
Oh and there's always dogwalkers, and for some reason Green Park seems to attract the cutest dogs. Maybe it's because I'm picturing them chasing the footballers...
Buckingham Palace. Need I say more? I figured I couldn't do this route without including it. It only ever impacts us when they've had a party on and you get a fabulous juxtaposition of exercising commuters and smartly dressed palace visitors. On the day in question nothing was occuring so I'm afraid no picture of the strange sight, I will however keep my eyes peeled!
Once halfway down the Mall we pitch a right turn and head into St James' Park, with of course the typically British deckchairs... But with an open area sun trap like this, why not?!
And ahead of us we have the Household Cavalry Museum. Never actually realised that's what it was, but it does make for a far prettier walk than across Trafalgar Square and through Charing Cross Station!
There's usually the guards out when we walk through the archway to Whitehall and naturally this means the usual contingent of camera happy tourists all taking pictures and trying to get a reaction from the long suffering guardsmen! I wonder just how many people's holiday snaps I'm in...?
And now we have reached Whitehall, turning left you can see Nelson's Column rising above Trafalgar Square. This is where we encountered the grumpy tranny arguing with the police. Like I said, the weird and wonderful...
I love this building, but I have no idea what it is! There's something about stunning architecture in sunlight though. If anyone can tell me, please post a comment and let me know! It's on Horse Guards Avenue.
And directly opposite the beautiful architecture we have the Ministry of Defence, which of course wouldn't be complete without the two naked sculptures framing the doorway... How much time do you think the occupants spend checking them out through the window?
At Embankment it's a right turn over Hungerford Bridge, and past one of my favourite views in London. Straight down the Thames past Southbank and the Oxo Tower. Shame about the Buttplug, sorry I mean Gherkin, ruining the skyline now though...
And finally we reach Waterloo, around an hour and ten after leaving Paddington. Nice crowd of people that day hey? And it's usually so quiet...! At this point we generally just want to get to our train and sit down, but feeling good about the four and a half miles we've just done.
So there you have it, my walk from work to Waterloo. Not so much on the twisted sense of humour today but I thought the pictures were worth sharing! What a beautiful day in the neighbourhood!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)