The Dangers of Sleep Talking...

This one needs a little back story so here goes.

Recently in a slightly drunken state, read cattled, I decided it would be a fabulous idea to write an email to my father. He and I don't get on and suffice it to say said email was not of the nicest persuasion. I had enough sense however to decide against sending it regardless of alcohol consumption but as some of my phrasings in it had made me giggle to myself I decided to share the amusement with my husband. As I handed him my phone he seemed to forget that iPhone's are touchscreen (I know, I know) and picked it up by the screen, at which point the email vanished off the page. In a total panic over the possibility of this being sent, and with a very sensitive family occasion on the horizon, I switched my phone off, then back on in airplane mode before deleting the email account entirely from the phone. Up until today, I didn't know if it had sent but it had played on my mind to a very large degree.

When I logged on to googlemail this afternoon my laptop automatically decided to log me in to the account in question and I decided that enough was enough and I would bite the bullet and check my sent items. To my great relief there was no sign of the offending article, I breathed a sigh of relief and decided to tell my husband as well so he didn't have to worry about it.

Now, fast forward to tonight.

He's been out this evening watching the boxing at the pub and arrived home around half past one, and in a far more sober state than I had expected, I have to admit! Anyway with a rare show of common sense he decided that the best place for him was bed and duly retired there. About five minutes after he went I remembered about this email and quickly popped my head in to tell him. Our conversation went roughly like this.

Babe are you awake?
Yeah.
Okay, forgot earlier but I meant to tell you I found out that email to my dad never sent.
That's okay, we can always burn the spare shirt.
.... Um, what?
Well that's why we have it, so we can burn the spare shirt.
(laughing) Okay hun, you're asleep so I'll talk to you in the morning.
No, I'm fine. Like I said we'll mince the first half of the cow and the second half of the cow can go in the glove compartment.
(really laughing) Okay, whatever you say... Anyway, you're really asleep so goodnight.
No wait, come back. Why are you laughing?
Can you remember the conversation we just had?
No, not really, something to do with a cow?
Well that's where you went but I was trying to tell you about that email.
See, this is why you love me, and if you're bored later just come in and talk to me!

He has, on the odd occasion, come up with these lovely little moments at night, I think one of my personal favourites was "It doesn't count unless you're towing a dog" though granted I have absolutely no desire to know what he was dreaming about at that point!

So be warned people, if you sleep talk try and cover it up, or else your evil wife might laugh so hard she posts it on the internet...!