Drifters

Traversing as I do through three separate train stations every day I have found out several things: -

1.       I am nowhere near as patient and tolerant of idiots as I thought I was.

2.       A lot of people who use trains and tubes are, regrettably, idiots.

3.       It’s practically a guarantee that the women snarking at me and my trainers in the mornings are invariably the women scowling at me and my trainers as I walk home comfortably and they’re crippled in their stiletto heels.

4.       You will, every day without fail, encounter drifters.

No I don’t mean these packets of chocolaty goodness...

I mean the people who for no reason feel the need to drift from side to side whilst walking through the stations directly into your path, or at the very least force you further and further over until you’re practically climbing the wall you are now plastered to!

Now maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m thinking when you learnt to walk, you also learnt to walk in a straight line? I mean how the every living fuck would these people so much as pass a sobriety test?! How the hell do they manage to drive cars? Or do they drift from lane to lane on the motorway as well?

Not only are these people the bane of my “I quite like walking fast” existence but they also seem to default to a setting where they drift in front of you, and then slow down! Aaaaaaargh, seriously people?!

It’s really very simple. You are going from A to B, the sensible idea would be to travel between these two points in a straight line thereby minimising the time it takes to arrive at point B, and also the amount of energy required for said traveling. So walking in some numpty, idiot, ziggy zaggy, wibbly wobbly route serves to benefit exactly… um… NO  ONE!!!!! Stop it!

There is the possibility that I’m being unfair, that all of these people actually suffer from a so far undiagnosed illness which means it is entirely inconceivable for them to walk in a straight line.



Okay, it’s possible. But let’s face it, it’s pretty bloody unlikely; which leaves us with one of two possible hypotheses. The first is that they have an amazing craptastic sense of balance which makes them swerve from side to side without realising that they are, in fact, walking in a manner similar to drunk people. Or two, they’re actually doing it on purpose.

Okay, I can be a little cynical, but I’m convinced they’re doing it to royally piss me off. I cannot seriously believe that this many people every single day walk like this without knowing they’re doing it! So it is just me, or is it other people finding this too? I am seriously debating starting to wear jackets with spikes on the elbow, maybe then they’ll learn to walk properly…!!!



Something like that perhaps...?

;)