Seeing as I'm not working at the moment I've gone back to doing some bar shifts as it a) helps out the friends who run a pub and b) gets me a few wine tokens and stops me drinking my redundancy. ;)
Last night I was behind the bar for what police call Black Friday and what I call Fucked Up Friday. For those who don't know the drill, the last Friday before Christmas is always a total pissed up moronfest! To be honest, where I work we don't get any real trouble but that doesn't make us immune to idiots. So lovely people, here's the stuff you can do to make it onto my Christmas Pub Sinners list...
1) Complain about waiting five minutes to be served at a bar that is several deep and behind which both bar staff are run off their feet. Feel free to get annoyed with us if we're stood about doing nothing but when we haven't stopped in several hours we're hardly slacking, we're just fucking busy okay?!
2) Come up with stupid "I'm special" type requests. It's not unusual for pubs to shut the door at a certain time and stop letting new customers in. Last night we locked the doors at eleven, not exactly early. So when someone bangs on the door and I go over and tell them I'm sorry but it's no access after eleven, you bellowing over my shoulder "Oh let them in, they're friends of mine!!" does not matter a damn to me. They could be fucking royalty but if they turn up past the time we've locked the doors that's just too damn bad!
Oh and "we come here every Friday" doesn't cut it either!
3) Decide in your infinite wisdom to start smoking weed outside our front door. Guess what? I catch you, you're gone. No excuses, no explanations, done. Got it?!
4) Start talking to the staff like they're morons. One guy last night started shouting abuse at one of the other girls I was working with. Anyone wanna guess how many more drinks he had with us? Yep, jackus shittus as the Roman publicans likely said...! We're here to serve your drinks, not take your alcohol fuelled bullshit, and we won't take it either. Or at least no one working will be taking that crap when I'm also behind the bar!
5) Get your friends to physically hold you up because you're too drunk to stand, and then try to order another drink. Do I really need to explain why this one is a no?
6) Shout at us because we don't sell cigarettes. We. Don't. Sell. Fags. Do some fucking planning and go to a fucking shop BEFORE coming out to the pub. Dick!
7) Become deaf when you're told it's drinking up time. You will lose your drink, people learnt this little lesson last night. Well done douchecanoes, that was a waste of money! We stop serving at one, half an hour is not an "unreasonably short" time to finish what's in front of you really is it? Tell you what, remember all those boasts that you can "down a pint in ten seconds"? Prove it...
8) Not take the hint when cracking onto a barmaid. I don't wear a wedding ring for a laugh, I wear it because I'm married. And funnily enough some weedy eighteen year old drunken twat is unlikely to convince me to forego my wedding vows. And when I say "unlikely" I mean NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!! Got it? Good!
So yeah, a little thought goes a long way, and stops us laughing at you. Give it a try!
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