Apparently, according to several of my readers, I am obligated to get all festive and write a Christmas blog. Hmmmm, well I have to admit I’m not entirely convinced about the whole “forced festivity” bit but who am I to disappoint? So here you go, my Christmas message.
I don’t really “get” Christmas, or rather the entire hype over it. As far as I can see it’s basically an excuse for us to buy gifts for each other that we most often can’t afford and eat far more junk food than we ever should... Yes I can understand it for children completely, it’s great fun. So for my Christmas message I think I’ll focus on the kiddy aspects!
I loved Christmas as a kid, it was just the coolest time ever, might have had something to do with my mum and dad spoiling us rotten! But of course, they did it for themselves rather than us kids! I’m sure it was just my parent’s favourite time of the year when they had to stay up half the night waiting for me to finally go to sleep so they could creep round the house pretending to be a fat dude with a sack of presents..!
Santa however, scared me. I remember once when I was about five or so my grandfather offered to play Santa at my school. I knew Santa was alright, I knew it was my grandfather dressed up as Santa, but could they get me within five feet of him without me screaming the place down? Could they hell! Second we left, no problem, but no one was getting me to go and sit on Santa’s knee. I seriously don’t know what my issue was though!
My parents did make a couple of concessions away from the norm. In our house Santa didn’t want milk and cookies, he damn well wanted two glasses of sherry and some mince pies and that’s exactly what he got every year! And he reached a point where he was going to deliver my presents into my parent’s room because I was making him late by refusing point blank to go to sleep! I still actually have no idea what they used to use on the carrots to make them look like they’d been “reindeer nibbled” and nine times out of ten they forgot to empty the bowl of water I wanted to leave out for Rudolph. What the hell I thought the other reindeers would be drinking I have no idea; I think callous youth overrode my concern! No way were either of my parents going to go around making reindeer tracks around the fireplace, after all they would have to clear it up again afterwards and that would put me off I think!
Tell you what though, I’m learning a new appreciation for my parents. How galling is it to invest a huge amount of time and effort, not to mention the money, on all these mountains of presents only to have the credit taken by a mythological reverse burglar who breaks in every year?!
I do wish you all a very merry Christmas. Personally I will spend the morning being rudely awoken by a hyperactive short person tearing through the flat with the speed and bounciness to make Hurricane Katrina look like a summer breeze. Then I will be going around to my mother’s to make us Christmas dinner and, to put it mildly, get thoroughly sloshed! I know that many people seem to find it completely unfathomable that my husband and I may not be having Christmas lunch together, but I think we’ll just about cope with being separated for a whole couple of hours...
So enjoy the over indulgence, enjoy the family and friends and enjoy the whole thing. But the closest I’ll be getting to a Christmas spirit is the vodka in my freezer... Bah humbug, Christmas can remain the kid’s domain that I think it should be!
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