mPads

Sooooo, MPs are to be given iPads at the cost of the taxpayer...? Really?! Explain this to me Mr Cameron.

I have recently obtained a shiny iPad 3 for myself. Note please Mr PM that I not only sourced this FOR myself but also BY myself. I have recently been made redundant and decided to spend part of my severance package on an iPad. I'm very glad I have, I love it to bits, it's great fun and it also provided my hubby with huge amusement when the same day I got it he managed to get a photo of me crashed out on the sofa that night hugging it... I probably should be embarrassed but you know what? It's that much fun that I'm not! ;)

So I entirely understand wanting one of these fab devices, in fact I'm typing this post on it. I don't, however, understand why MPs require one of these to do their jobs.

The government logic apparently is that they're offsetting the cost by making the recipients return PCs or laptops, but to be fair this wont actually help at all. iPads, or at least the new ones, cost at least four hundred pounds. Second hand laptops don't do anywhere near as well, in my experience. Plus iPads can't do flash players or Microsoft Office. So exactly what benefit is being gained from them? Or is it, as I'm more inclined to believe, that the MPs just want the pretty new toys to play with...?

So, they can afford this ridiculous luxury for the members of our illustrious parliament, but we can't afford to adequately equip our "armed" forces who go out and risk life and limb...?

I may not be the only voice in this country but I'd like to stand up and be counted as one of those who will happily say this frivolity is insane when there are genuinely good ways to spend this money. Rather than paying for our MPs to play Angry Birds on a big screen...
Though I'll admit it's fun, I paid for the privilege myself, so I'm allowed to giggle like a loony at the experience... ;)

Maybe they should think about doing the same?

Drifters

Traversing as I do through three separate train stations every day I have found out several things: -

1.       I am nowhere near as patient and tolerant of idiots as I thought I was.

2.       A lot of people who use trains and tubes are, regrettably, idiots.

3.       It’s practically a guarantee that the women snarking at me and my trainers in the mornings are invariably the women scowling at me and my trainers as I walk home comfortably and they’re crippled in their stiletto heels.

4.       You will, every day without fail, encounter drifters.

No I don’t mean these packets of chocolaty goodness...

I mean the people who for no reason feel the need to drift from side to side whilst walking through the stations directly into your path, or at the very least force you further and further over until you’re practically climbing the wall you are now plastered to!

Now maybe I’m being harsh, but I’m thinking when you learnt to walk, you also learnt to walk in a straight line? I mean how the every living fuck would these people so much as pass a sobriety test?! How the hell do they manage to drive cars? Or do they drift from lane to lane on the motorway as well?

Not only are these people the bane of my “I quite like walking fast” existence but they also seem to default to a setting where they drift in front of you, and then slow down! Aaaaaaargh, seriously people?!

It’s really very simple. You are going from A to B, the sensible idea would be to travel between these two points in a straight line thereby minimising the time it takes to arrive at point B, and also the amount of energy required for said traveling. So walking in some numpty, idiot, ziggy zaggy, wibbly wobbly route serves to benefit exactly… um… NO  ONE!!!!! Stop it!

There is the possibility that I’m being unfair, that all of these people actually suffer from a so far undiagnosed illness which means it is entirely inconceivable for them to walk in a straight line.



Okay, it’s possible. But let’s face it, it’s pretty bloody unlikely; which leaves us with one of two possible hypotheses. The first is that they have an amazing craptastic sense of balance which makes them swerve from side to side without realising that they are, in fact, walking in a manner similar to drunk people. Or two, they’re actually doing it on purpose.

Okay, I can be a little cynical, but I’m convinced they’re doing it to royally piss me off. I cannot seriously believe that this many people every single day walk like this without knowing they’re doing it! So it is just me, or is it other people finding this too? I am seriously debating starting to wear jackets with spikes on the elbow, maybe then they’ll learn to walk properly…!!!



Something like that perhaps...?

;)

Times, They Are A Changing...

After my previous company related Facebook status I can confirm I am one of those being made redundant. This will have two noticeable effects on Confined Sinners.

1) I will have a lot more time to write my blogs.
2) I will have a lot less ammo with which to write about...

Hmm, well let's see. I mean I have branched out in the past to non commuter thoughts, so this will give me the opportunity to investigate that avenue of thought more thoroughly. The other thing is I will still be travelling into London for agency meetings and hopefully interviews so travelling at a different time of day could give me a new type of weirdo to talk about... ;)

Silver linings people, onwards and upwards!!

Forgotten Something…?

You all know the situation, you’ve left home, most likely got all the way to work and you suddenly realise what you’ve done… Your mobile, your lifeline to the world as a whole, and depending on the model your games console is sat back at home, abandoned!

Your heart starts to race, sweat slicks your palms as you realise that not only do you have nothing to play with, but NO ONE CAN CONTACT YOU! Oh my god, what the hell do you do now?! If, like me, you work miles from home you certainly can’t go back for it. You know how popular you are and you can just envision the multitude of text messages piling up as people struggle to get in touch. The missed call log will most likely be maxed out already; I mean how many messages can one phone hold?!

And how worried must all the people who can’t get in touch be?! They must think you’re ill, possibly even been hospitalised! Or maybe they’re getting upset because they think you’re ignoring them! I mean it does happen, we’ve all put our phones on silent and forgotten about it. It could be sat in your desk drawer, or your handbag, or your jacket buzzing silently and you’re just choosing to pass up the opportunity to talk to them!

The unending tirade stalks through your mind all day, you can’t relax, you can’t concentrate. All you can think about is the phone sat on your beside table being overrun with contacts that you just can’t hear. It’s a torment, not to mention all the time you’re missing on Angry Birds or some other game addiction. And what are you going to do on your journey home?! I mean it’s alright for you driving commuters who wouldn’t have time to use the phone anyway, but for us poor souls consigned to the long train ride home with no music or anything!!!

Finally, the day finishing and you burst out of the office and race for home. How long will it take you to catch up on all those messages, calls and texts?! The commute seems to last forever but at last it’s over, you’re home and the work can begin. You bolt through the door, panic reaching a crescendo as you search for your missing media appendage. You spot it and dash across the room, snatching it up in one quick manoeuvre, and activate the screen...

 

Seriously?! Mother fuckers!!! Well I don’t want to damn well talk to you either!!

Congratulations London Commuter - All Time Low

I do see some pretty shitty things on my commute, largely on the Underground, but most of them just roll over me as one of those things. But yesterday, yeah this one is going to stay with me for a while!

So there I was, on my way home, and best part of a million miles away with my head in a book. The day had been uneventful and nothing had really jumped out. Until I set foot on my tube when homeward bound. Several passengers behind me in the "boarding line" was a pregnant woman, who I didn't notice until she had got on board and was already seated. Once I did notice her, as there were no seats available, I decided to offer her my seat as I would normally do. Before I could get up and get her attention however I noticed her lean towards the guy sat in one of the "priority seats" and ask if he could please move so she could sit down.

He said no.

Yes really, he fucking said no! I mean what the fucking hell is wrong with this bloke?! It's really very simple, if there is someone who needs that seat, especially a priority seat, more than you do, YOU SHIFT YOUR ARSE! To me this isn't a complicated logical step, it's normal, it's the decent thing to do, it's a simple courtesy to our fellow human beings to consider their situation and prioritise it above your own.

The lady next to El Douchebag DID get up and the pregnant lady thanked her very graciously and sat down. But here's the thing, this meant that for the rest of her tube journey she had to sit next to this craptastic piece of work! And he did everything to avoid eye contact, looking completely unperterbed by the way he had acted.

I so desperately wanted to say something, but she looked so drained by it all that I didn't have the heart to cause her more hassle. Seriously though people have some consideration, I know us commuters are assholes at times but there are some thing you just don't do!!!! And El Douchebag, if you're reading this, I hope for your sake that you don't pull this shite on another train I'm on, cos I don't think I could swallow the compunction to deck you twice...!

Things You Just Don't Miss

Have you ever noticed that things that don't phase you when you're doing a job still reach the list of "Things I Don't Miss" once you leave it? I've given up the second job now so no more bar work. I do miss it although there are certain instances I really don't miss dealing with. And here's some of the particular events that make this list!

I don't miss dealing with people when they are officially "fall down" drunk. We had a lady come in once, about forties or so and from Thailand I believe. She was sculling Fosters like it was going out of fashion and was getting a bit (massively) trashed, so we decided to stop serving her.
She then vanished into the ladies toilet and was gone for a good fifteen minutes. Finally we went for the age old technique of rock, paper, scissors and I lost so I had to go looking. No amount of banging on the door or shouting was getting a response which really only left me with one course of action - get out a coin to jimmy the lock and go in anyway. Now this sounds bad, but bear in mind for all I know she's had a heart attack so I got the coin out and unlocked the door, which proceeded to still not budge.
After a fair bit of hefty pushing, and a large amount of swearing, I finally worked out I couldn't get it open properly because she had actually passed out across the door... with her pants still down... mid ablution... Oh wonderful!
I eventually got the door open enough to get inside and by getting my arms under hers I just about got her on her feet and got her pants up, whilst straddling my legs wide, in case she hadn't finished peeing.
We got rid of her in the end, and she got safely home, but I do not miss forcing a toilet door to be confronted by a naked forty year old woman's arse lying in her own urine.

I don't miss idiots at the end of last orders convinced they get special treatment and that the staff getting louder and louder about everyone leaving aren't actually referring to them.
One guy in particular, who I doubt will ever read this, was awful for it. His girlfriend worked behind the bar so he figured that translated to "you can stay here drinking all night long if you like"... Um, no dude.
Normally the conversation went like this -

Me - Time to drink up ladies and gents.
Idiot Boy - I haven't finished.
Me - Well finish up or it's going down the drain.
Him - What's your problem? I'm waiting for my girlfriend!
Me - Not a problem but I still need the beer gone, we want to close up and go home.
Him - Why are you in such a rush?
Me - I've been up since half six, commuted three hours and just finished my second job. It's gone half one in the morning and I want to go home.
Him - Stop complaining, I've been here all night too!!

*sigh* Explaining to a drunk moron that spending all night drinking doesn't compare with spending all night serving people drinks is a waste of time so I stopped bothering after a while. The night usually ended with me binning his drink and him throwing a temper tantrum.
Dating one of the bar staff doesn't mean you can act like an asshole, it just means your significant other gives you a bollocking about it if you do when you get home!
I do not miss self important twats.

I don't miss people assuming I'm unintelligent because I do bar work. Yes I'm blonde, yes I work (at the time) behind a bar, no I'm not an idiot. People often come to the wrong conclusion about us, the only thing that makes us idiots is putting up with the crap we sometimes get!
The following is my favourite ever example.

Couple arguing about the currency of Turkey at the end of the bar, this had been going on for some time.
Me - Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but it's Turkish Lira.
Him - What?
Me - She's right, it's Turkish Lira, not Euros.
Him - Well what the hell would you know?!
Me - I beg your pardon?
Him - You're a blonde barmaid who's obviously never been out of this town in her life and you're lecturing ME on currency?
Me - Yes of course sir, you're right. The fact that I'm a (part) qualified accountant who does a second job behind a bar is neither here not there. Neither is the fact that I've lived in three countries in my life so far, one of them being Turkey... So how could I possibly know anything about it? I'll leave you to your conversation but I would suggest in parting that you don't invest in the foreign exchange market, seeing as it would appear your understanding of currency is somewhat lacking..."
Him - ....
Her - *giggle*

It's not as easy a job as everyone thinks, give us some credit.
I do not miss obnoxious people who, often incorrectly, assume their greater intelligence due to the location we're stood in a drinking establishment.

I miss a lot about it, but there are certainly things I just do not miss. But on the plus side those things give me posts like these! ;)

Step Up London!

I do enjoy writing this little blog, I find it has several benefits. Firstly I get to make people laugh, well hopefully anyway, and secondly it gives me somewhere to let off steam in an entertaining fashion about the masses of idiots that populate the capital.

There is however one big drawback, and that is I am entirely reliant on these idiots in order to supply me with ammunition for my observations. I do, in fact, spend a large portion of my commuting time watching the people around me and hoping someone says or does something stupid, and preferably funny.

In the last couple of weeks the strange portion of the population is severely lacking, maybe I should log a missing persons report? Although I'm fairly sure the Metropolitan Police Service are likely at that point to tell me to bugger off and stop wasting their time...

So my lack of postings lately is down to this, the will is there but the morons aren't! So if any of you know where they've gone could you direct them onto my route? It'd be much appreciated and I promise to reward you with chuckles!