Something that always manages to get under my skin on the tube is people who quite obviously (to "regulars") don't regularly use the London underground system, and usually don't live in London but are determined to try and appear like they do this every day too.
The problem is this. London Commuters are generally quite a rude bunch, whether it be due to idiots annoying us or having done this so long we scowl when someone gets in our way. What I've noticed of the "fake commuters" is that they've clocked this fact and try to emulate what they've seen around them in order to appear at home in their surroundings. But, they pretty much all just end up going too far and come across as rude, even to us offensive lot!
There are some very simple unwritten rules and they are instinctively followed by those of us who daily brave the gaping maw of the underground tunnels.
You move down, you just do. There is often a distinct lack of space in the mornings and evenings and we all naturally move down into the aisles to provide as much space as usual. We may whinge or scowl but it always happens. Those less wise in the ways of the underground don't budge an inch. They figure Londoners are rude and therefore would never possibly move to make life easier on someone else. In other words, spot the imitator who's never been faced with a full tube train whilst running to catch an overground...
That announcement about letting customers off the train first? Yeah we actually do pay attention to that. It may seem that we're all plugged into our headphones or busy with our papers but it's like subliminal learning, we're taking it all in. So one of the easiest ways to show lack of experience in our domain is to push past those disembarking in order to get a seat first. And for the record those if you who do that are rude and offensive and in short jackasses...!
If you are walking or jogging up an escalator and there's no one ahead of you, move to the damn right?! I know the left is the "moving" side but when no one is in front moving to the right allows faster movers behind to get past you. It's kinda like sitting in the fast lane of the M25 doing fifty miles an hour when the motorway is empty, might make you feel fast but you just look like a dick!
On overground commuter trains there are "Quiet Carriages". These aren't there for amusement or decoration but rather because some of us prefer to be able to relax in peace on our way home. Feel free to listen to your iPod, but keep it to a volume we can't hear, feel free to have a chat, but recognise you're only three inches apart thanks to the overcrowding and you don't need to reach the dizzying height of the top of the decibels register! At least 95% of us have sat in here on purpose, if you want to look like you belong turn your damn music down, hang your bloody mobile up and show a little respect!
So it's simple people. For anyone who has this bizarre desire to come across as a regular user of the London transport system, don't bother. It's pointless, it's obvious and you make yourself look pretty stupid...!
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