This is a current advert on the London Underground. It's for Kew Garden Flower Show. Yes it's eye catching, bright and most certainly conveys that the point is flower related. Here's the question though. How much of this is real and how much is CGI?
Tuesday, 8 February 2011
Flower Power
This is a current advert on the London Underground. It's for Kew Garden Flower Show. Yes it's eye catching, bright and most certainly conveys that the point is flower related. Here's the question though. How much of this is real and how much is CGI?
Cakes? Doughnuts? Aaaah, Muffins? Yep, Muffins!
It is a well known fact that we all look in the mirror and see an unrealistic version of what other people see, partly because we never see what others do but instead a mirror image. But when we don't actually fit into our clothes surely we should notice.
Introducing muffin top. The lovely state of being, usually inhabited by girls in their teens, where they have squeezed themselves in to a pair of jeans one (or more) size too small and a flap of fat rolls over the top of the jeans creating the same shape as the top of a muffin. The scary thing is at some point they have looked in a mirror and come to the conclusion they look amazing.. Fail.
I am not the skinniest woman on the planet, nor am I the fattest, but I've come up with a simple system to combat the danger of muffin top! It's revolutionary, it's astounding, it's called buying clothes that fit..!!!!
Another danger of the "of course this fits me" mentality is the dreaded camel toe. Dum dum duuuuum!!! This is where the trousers or shorts being worn are really a size too small but instead of affecting the top of the waistline the pull on the bottom is so much so that everything is pulled up until you have internal clothing and the shape of a camel's toe firmly wedged to the front of your fanny. Real pretty hey? Especially when you're confronted by a large woman on the underground stood about a foot and a half from your face exhibiting an "impressive" display of 'toe!! Oh wait, that was yesterday... Rabbits in headlights have looked more relaxed than me apparently.
So, what have we learnt today? All shapes and sizes are just great, if you're happy then who cares what clothing size you are? But dear readers, please dress accordingly. You might think you look like "the bomb" but you're really just causing explosions in my brain.
Introducing muffin top. The lovely state of being, usually inhabited by girls in their teens, where they have squeezed themselves in to a pair of jeans one (or more) size too small and a flap of fat rolls over the top of the jeans creating the same shape as the top of a muffin. The scary thing is at some point they have looked in a mirror and come to the conclusion they look amazing.. Fail.
I am not the skinniest woman on the planet, nor am I the fattest, but I've come up with a simple system to combat the danger of muffin top! It's revolutionary, it's astounding, it's called buying clothes that fit..!!!!
Another danger of the "of course this fits me" mentality is the dreaded camel toe. Dum dum duuuuum!!! This is where the trousers or shorts being worn are really a size too small but instead of affecting the top of the waistline the pull on the bottom is so much so that everything is pulled up until you have internal clothing and the shape of a camel's toe firmly wedged to the front of your fanny. Real pretty hey? Especially when you're confronted by a large woman on the underground stood about a foot and a half from your face exhibiting an "impressive" display of 'toe!! Oh wait, that was yesterday... Rabbits in headlights have looked more relaxed than me apparently.
So, what have we learnt today? All shapes and sizes are just great, if you're happy then who cares what clothing size you are? But dear readers, please dress accordingly. You might think you look like "the bomb" but you're really just causing explosions in my brain.
Monday, 7 February 2011
The Return of the Floor Hogger
My friend the floor hog was back this morning, and unfortunately as I prefer to sit in a two seat area against the window it meant dealing with the distinct lack of floor space again. It could be worse, at least I can put my foot up on the side, however when I did he apparently thought this meant "please feel free to put your feet under my chair as I'm not using the space...". So I put my feet back down, and accidentally stamped on his leg in the process, I'm gutted...
Once we went through the station that guarantees no spare seats in sight I realised just how much of a selfish oaf this guy actually is. Not only did the poor woman sat next to him have barely half a seat, but he also proceeded to once again read the newspaper in such a way that it leaned over the half the seat she had! And every time she wasn't looking he would stare at her in a very strange manner, as if she'd dared to take up space that was his!
I really hope I don't see him again, as I came very close to educating him as to my rather low opinion of him, but I fear I'm stuck with the rude and odious little toad if I take this train. Now there's a good incentive to get going earlier in the morning!!
The queue being all the way back to the escalators at the Bakerloo line this morning however, doesn't have quite the same effect...!!
Once we went through the station that guarantees no spare seats in sight I realised just how much of a selfish oaf this guy actually is. Not only did the poor woman sat next to him have barely half a seat, but he also proceeded to once again read the newspaper in such a way that it leaned over the half the seat she had! And every time she wasn't looking he would stare at her in a very strange manner, as if she'd dared to take up space that was his!
I really hope I don't see him again, as I came very close to educating him as to my rather low opinion of him, but I fear I'm stuck with the rude and odious little toad if I take this train. Now there's a good incentive to get going earlier in the morning!!
The queue being all the way back to the escalators at the Bakerloo line this morning however, doesn't have quite the same effect...!!
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Why Do We Never Learn?
When I woke up this morning I was struck by a few simple little realisations.
1. I had reached about six times for the same can of coke I was convinced was on my bedside table, and wasn't.
2. I really really really really reeeeeally didn't want to have to get up.
3. I most definitely, absolutely and utterly should NOT have aided and abetted in the sourcing of that third bottle of wine last night...
Oh my god, my head was spinning, I was exhausted and I was on the receiving end of a large amount of mockery from my oh so thoughtful husband who was finding my then state incredibly funny. Upon asking why I was getting so much abuse I was told that I had (apparently) said I would be home by around nine and was quite happy if he then wanted to shove off to the pub for a couple. I got home around half midnight last night, so I don't think he got the chance for the pub... Yes I can understand his irritation, but he is also very well aware of my habit of stopping "for a quick drink" on the way home and rocking in gone midnight. He also, in fairness, should be knowledgeable enough of his own wife to be able to tell how drunk I am on the phone... Though in his defence I have been told on many occasions that I am known for sounding completely sober when actually being catatonicly wasted at the same time, so maybe I can't have a go at him too much for that one.
Ah well, I apologised and promised that I would babysit at some point soon so he could go out and it would make it up to him. Husband thusly satisfied I went to grab a shower and get ready for work. This is harder than you'd imagine really whilst still having the debate with yourself as to whether or not you're actually still drunk or if you're just reeeeeeally hanging!
I struggled through my morning routine and finally emerged victorious by the bus stop, which I have been seeing far too much of lately! I think my diet plan sits quietly crying in a corner on nights like last night! The Surrey bus service being it's usual helpful self it naturally provided a bus for me, albeit fifteen minutes late meaning I missed my train. Oh well, another along in ten minutes so I'm not overly bothered at that point. Until I get on the train, my mobile rings and I'm helpfully informed that there are NO tubes leaving from Waterloo. Oh wonderful, obviously this could never happen on a day where I'm less inclined to scream (if the noise wouldn't hurt my head) and run around mentally toting a gun!
Apparently London Underground was prewarned to my sunny demeanour as they had the damn things up and running again by the time I reached Waterloo! So having collected the friend who'd waited for me after reporting the lack of tubes, grabbed a really healthy breakfast of a bacon roll (yes the extornionate ones, this was an emergency) and a toffee muffin and walked up to the office I finally reached my desk. Blood shot eyes, tired expression and a slight difficulty concentrating, why did I think this wouldn't happen last night when happily guzzling red wine? That's it, I shall never do this again. Never again will the decision of school night drinking pass unimpeded through the "nothing to declare" section of my brain!
Hmm, I'm out for dinner with some girlfriends tonight... Oh well, one more can't hurt... right...?
1. I had reached about six times for the same can of coke I was convinced was on my bedside table, and wasn't.
2. I really really really really reeeeeally didn't want to have to get up.
3. I most definitely, absolutely and utterly should NOT have aided and abetted in the sourcing of that third bottle of wine last night...
Oh my god, my head was spinning, I was exhausted and I was on the receiving end of a large amount of mockery from my oh so thoughtful husband who was finding my then state incredibly funny. Upon asking why I was getting so much abuse I was told that I had (apparently) said I would be home by around nine and was quite happy if he then wanted to shove off to the pub for a couple. I got home around half midnight last night, so I don't think he got the chance for the pub... Yes I can understand his irritation, but he is also very well aware of my habit of stopping "for a quick drink" on the way home and rocking in gone midnight. He also, in fairness, should be knowledgeable enough of his own wife to be able to tell how drunk I am on the phone... Though in his defence I have been told on many occasions that I am known for sounding completely sober when actually being catatonicly wasted at the same time, so maybe I can't have a go at him too much for that one.
Ah well, I apologised and promised that I would babysit at some point soon so he could go out and it would make it up to him. Husband thusly satisfied I went to grab a shower and get ready for work. This is harder than you'd imagine really whilst still having the debate with yourself as to whether or not you're actually still drunk or if you're just reeeeeeally hanging!
I struggled through my morning routine and finally emerged victorious by the bus stop, which I have been seeing far too much of lately! I think my diet plan sits quietly crying in a corner on nights like last night! The Surrey bus service being it's usual helpful self it naturally provided a bus for me, albeit fifteen minutes late meaning I missed my train. Oh well, another along in ten minutes so I'm not overly bothered at that point. Until I get on the train, my mobile rings and I'm helpfully informed that there are NO tubes leaving from Waterloo. Oh wonderful, obviously this could never happen on a day where I'm less inclined to scream (if the noise wouldn't hurt my head) and run around mentally toting a gun!
Apparently London Underground was prewarned to my sunny demeanour as they had the damn things up and running again by the time I reached Waterloo! So having collected the friend who'd waited for me after reporting the lack of tubes, grabbed a really healthy breakfast of a bacon roll (yes the extornionate ones, this was an emergency) and a toffee muffin and walked up to the office I finally reached my desk. Blood shot eyes, tired expression and a slight difficulty concentrating, why did I think this wouldn't happen last night when happily guzzling red wine? That's it, I shall never do this again. Never again will the decision of school night drinking pass unimpeded through the "nothing to declare" section of my brain!
Hmm, I'm out for dinner with some girlfriends tonight... Oh well, one more can't hurt... right...?
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Say What Now?!
A little collection of my top five announcements I've heard due to trains/tubes, I'm becoming convinced of the idea that the announcers actually do suffer medically from some form of verbal diarrhea...
5. Southwest Trains en route to Waterloo
I'm afraid I do have some information about the London Underground service this morning, but I'm going to wait until we've been through Surbiton so the rest of the passengers can hear it to.
(Why say anything yet for starters? And why not just tell us you can't be bothered repeating yourself?!)
4. London Underground, Bakerloo Line
Please move right down inside the carriages, but there is another train about one minute behind me so it's not worth piling in and making everyone grumpy!
(If I could have this tube driver every day I so would!)
3. London Underground, Mile End Station
There is currently a delay on the Central Line due to a problem at Leicester Square.
(Um, the Central Line doesn't go through Leicester Square...?)
2. Waterloo Station
Apologies for the delay to this service, this is due to an ongoing fatality on the line...
(I'm sorry, did you say "ongoing"?! The only thing I've ever been able to come up with for this one is a fall onto tracks and the current keeps shocking them back to life)
1. Waterloo Station
The Waterloo and City line is currently part suspended.
(The Waterloo and City line runs between two stations only, how the hell can it possibly be part suspended?!)
5. Southwest Trains en route to Waterloo
I'm afraid I do have some information about the London Underground service this morning, but I'm going to wait until we've been through Surbiton so the rest of the passengers can hear it to.
(Why say anything yet for starters? And why not just tell us you can't be bothered repeating yourself?!)
4. London Underground, Bakerloo Line
Please move right down inside the carriages, but there is another train about one minute behind me so it's not worth piling in and making everyone grumpy!
(If I could have this tube driver every day I so would!)
3. London Underground, Mile End Station
There is currently a delay on the Central Line due to a problem at Leicester Square.
(Um, the Central Line doesn't go through Leicester Square...?)
2. Waterloo Station
Apologies for the delay to this service, this is due to an ongoing fatality on the line...
(I'm sorry, did you say "ongoing"?! The only thing I've ever been able to come up with for this one is a fall onto tracks and the current keeps shocking them back to life)
1. Waterloo Station
The Waterloo and City line is currently part suspended.
(The Waterloo and City line runs between two stations only, how the hell can it possibly be part suspended?!)
The Unholy Trinity
There are three types of people who could sit down on a commuter train, very specific and different types.
1) Considerate Commuters
These types always think about other on the train, make sure they don't hit anyone with their bags or coats and do their best to take up the space allocated to just one person. They keep the noise down and don't sit talking on the phone to whomsoever is waiting for them at home to describe in great detail how they'll be in the door in less than two minutes.
Slight deviation from point but good grief stop doing that!!! You'll be in the door in less time than your conversation will take, it's a pointless attempt to look like someone gives a damn whether you make it home in one piece or not and it generally has the effect of convincing everyone else on the train that you're just a dick! Yes man on the train last night, I am talking to you...!
Back to point.
2) Apathetic Commuters
These people aren't particularly concerned about the others sharing a carriage with them, but not in a thoughtless way. They've basically just switched off and simply want to get to where they're going with as little fuss as possible. If they offend it's not intentional and they're unlikely to object to people being thoughtless unless really provoked.
3) Intentionally Rude Commuter
These people not only don't care if they offend or inconvenience you, they go so far as to enjoy it. If they can make your trip just that little bit crappy or miserable then they're happy. They range from those who take up a stupid amount of floor space, preferably with luggage as well as feet, and just glare at you if you say anything about it to those who will actually try and take up as much space as possible in every respect because they find it amusing to see the shapes they can make you comfort into. I think they see it as a live game of Tetris...
Personally I'd say I'm a number 1 type commuter, with the odd dash of 2 on a bad day. But, I seem to attract type 3 idiots whenever I set foot on a train.
Take yesterday as an example. In the morning I get the floorspace hogger, see picture below. This is actually after I'd asked him, very politely, if he would please move his bag and feet so I could sit down opposite him.
Then apparently the lady who sat next to him didn't realise that his paper was already using that seat...
It was a lovely smiley trip to work, lol!
Then on the way home I got the other kind, the vindictive one. He was quite a big lad, and sat with his feet firmly planted apart and his arms tight to his sides taking up the most space possible. Even knowing from my obvious discomfort he didn't move at all and after about ten minutes of this I couldn't (or rather my poor back couldn't) take the angle I was forced to sit at and I stood in the aisle for the rest of the trip. Apparently he didn't even look up when I got up, wouldn't look at me once I was standing and generally couldn't give a damn. And just to round it off he got off at my stop, I made sure he got stuck behind a few people getting off the train. Shame....
Oh and this morning someone fell down the stairs into the Underground and ploughed in to me on his way down. Thankfully no one really injured, but ouch that really hurt!!!
1) Considerate Commuters
These types always think about other on the train, make sure they don't hit anyone with their bags or coats and do their best to take up the space allocated to just one person. They keep the noise down and don't sit talking on the phone to whomsoever is waiting for them at home to describe in great detail how they'll be in the door in less than two minutes.
Slight deviation from point but good grief stop doing that!!! You'll be in the door in less time than your conversation will take, it's a pointless attempt to look like someone gives a damn whether you make it home in one piece or not and it generally has the effect of convincing everyone else on the train that you're just a dick! Yes man on the train last night, I am talking to you...!
Back to point.
2) Apathetic Commuters
These people aren't particularly concerned about the others sharing a carriage with them, but not in a thoughtless way. They've basically just switched off and simply want to get to where they're going with as little fuss as possible. If they offend it's not intentional and they're unlikely to object to people being thoughtless unless really provoked.
3) Intentionally Rude Commuter
These people not only don't care if they offend or inconvenience you, they go so far as to enjoy it. If they can make your trip just that little bit crappy or miserable then they're happy. They range from those who take up a stupid amount of floor space, preferably with luggage as well as feet, and just glare at you if you say anything about it to those who will actually try and take up as much space as possible in every respect because they find it amusing to see the shapes they can make you comfort into. I think they see it as a live game of Tetris...
Personally I'd say I'm a number 1 type commuter, with the odd dash of 2 on a bad day. But, I seem to attract type 3 idiots whenever I set foot on a train.
Take yesterday as an example. In the morning I get the floorspace hogger, see picture below. This is actually after I'd asked him, very politely, if he would please move his bag and feet so I could sit down opposite him.
Then apparently the lady who sat next to him didn't realise that his paper was already using that seat...
It was a lovely smiley trip to work, lol!
Then on the way home I got the other kind, the vindictive one. He was quite a big lad, and sat with his feet firmly planted apart and his arms tight to his sides taking up the most space possible. Even knowing from my obvious discomfort he didn't move at all and after about ten minutes of this I couldn't (or rather my poor back couldn't) take the angle I was forced to sit at and I stood in the aisle for the rest of the trip. Apparently he didn't even look up when I got up, wouldn't look at me once I was standing and generally couldn't give a damn. And just to round it off he got off at my stop, I made sure he got stuck behind a few people getting off the train. Shame....
Oh and this morning someone fell down the stairs into the Underground and ploughed in to me on his way down. Thankfully no one really injured, but ouch that really hurt!!!
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Bless You...
"I don't get coughs and colds since I quit smoking.."
Having once again resigned myself to the bus, though not due to alcohol I should add, I got chatting to a very nice lady who I regularly see at the bus stop. No idea of her name but because we run into each other quite often we do at least swap pleasantries each time.
We had originally got chatting about how much lighter it was this morning. Given the time I have to leave for work there is a period of time during which I leave home in the dark and it's dark by the time I get back to my town. During then it does feel slightly like the sun is actually this myth passed down through generations but just no longer a reality!
I mentioned I had also quit smoking and so no longer went out during the day at work which didn't help with my winter/sun ratio and was told she'd quit years ago and knew what I meant.
Slight admission, I've had a couple of cigarettes... But in my defence I have by no means started regularly smoking again and still count myself as a non smoker. And to be honest I've not much enjoyed the ones I had, so I'm not exactly being lulled by in by the siren song of that oh so sweet and sexy taste of ash in my mouth....
But I'm digressing, as per usual to be honest, and my point was this swap of quitting smoking admissions led to the discussion of what we preferred now nicotine doesn't play a part in our lives.
Me -
Her -
Having once again resigned myself to the bus, though not due to alcohol I should add, I got chatting to a very nice lady who I regularly see at the bus stop. No idea of her name but because we run into each other quite often we do at least swap pleasantries each time.
We had originally got chatting about how much lighter it was this morning. Given the time I have to leave for work there is a period of time during which I leave home in the dark and it's dark by the time I get back to my town. During then it does feel slightly like the sun is actually this myth passed down through generations but just no longer a reality!
I mentioned I had also quit smoking and so no longer went out during the day at work which didn't help with my winter/sun ratio and was told she'd quit years ago and knew what I meant.
Slight admission, I've had a couple of cigarettes... But in my defence I have by no means started regularly smoking again and still count myself as a non smoker. And to be honest I've not much enjoyed the ones I had, so I'm not exactly being lulled by in by the siren song of that oh so sweet and sexy taste of ash in my mouth....
But I'm digressing, as per usual to be honest, and my point was this swap of quitting smoking admissions led to the discussion of what we preferred now nicotine doesn't play a part in our lives.
Me -
- Not so tired in the mornings
- Clearer skin
- Definite reduction of severity of hangovers
Her -
- Sleeping better
- Saving money
- And this is where I heard that comment - "I don't get coughs and colds since I quit smoking.."
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