I remember my father teaching me how to ride my first bike in the park by our house, although my dad’s idea of teaching was to ensure I had the basics and then start a game of “Chicken” with me. Credit where it’s due, I learnt fast!!!
I think it’s the sort of memory that everyone retains through their life. The first bike, the first few faltering feet without any support and the one that meant the most to me – the first time my parents decided I was old enough to cycle on the road rather than on the pavement, it was likely being given the keys to the kingdom! I was so proud cycling along with them giving smug glances to those poor “children” who still had to cycle on the pavement. After all I was all grown up and they were just little kids still.
Seeing as that’s the sort of thing I remember feeling incredibly proud about, I was ever so slightly taken aback on my walk to the station this morning to almost be knocked over by a guy cycling straight down the middle of the pavement… He was in his thirties at a guess, had a very expensive looking mountain bike, the posh cycling helmet and all the lycra you could possibly ever need in your life! So in other words, not someone who cycles rarely, so what the hell?!
As he stormed past me I did manage to summon the phrase “And when you grow up are you going to cycle on the road like a real adult?!” to which I was honoured with a sneer as he cycled away, but seriously what do you want to be when you grow up….?!
I have a fairly fool proof method for killing spiders. You'll need a new can of Raid, an unabridged dictionary, a shovel and about a week.
ReplyDelete1. Wait for the spider to be on the ground. If you have a broom you dislike, knock the spider to the ground with it.
2. Drop the dictionary from about your chest's height directly onto the spider.
3. Jump (do not step, JUMP I said!!) onto the dictionary.
4. Jump up and down on the dictionary 5 or 6 times.
5. Remove each shoe carefully and grasp the edges of the dictionary carefully with your toes and then do the twist (so that the dictionary pivots back and forth. Do this 5 or 6 times.
6. Step down off the dictionary and leave everything right where it is for 4 days. Unless you used a broom to knock the spider onto the floor. You can go burn that.
7. After an appropriate waiting period (4 days, it's in step 6), using the shovel, carefully lift one corner of the dictionary to check that a) the spider is still there (if it's not, move out because he and his family will be looking for you) and b) if it's still dead (see a).
8. If a and b are a go, then empty the contents of the can of Raid under the dictionary, drop the corner of the dictionary back down and leave for another 3 days.
9. Using the shovel, scoop up the dictionary, the spider rmains, the can of Raid and take it all outside and burn it.