There seem to be a large amount of people in this world who seem determined to avoid being served drinks in pubs through the application of some carefully planned and varied techniques. I'm sure you, like them, would like to be able to so skilfully sidestep the danger of actually getting a barmaid to provide alcohol and so I thought I would share their wisdom.
- Make sure you are talking on your mobile when you walk up to the bar, and make sure you don't say please as well. Oh and if you want to be completely sure of not being served don't bother even speaking, just grunt and point at what you want whilst continuing your conversation on the phone.
- Point out very loudly that you were next while the previous person is still being served. Nothing like obnoxiously assuming the person serving has the attention span of a gnat to get them to skip you and serve the next person, as we do actually know the order people arrived at the bar.
- Wave money at the bartender to let them know you're there. They'll obviously then work out you're a rude jackass and you'll dextrously dodge that alcohol we serve.
- Make sure you enter the premises in a large group, about twenty should do, and then ask each person repeatedly what they want to drink. By the time you've gotten around to repeating it back to the person serving we've probably got bored of waiting on you and will be serving someone else. Alcohol dodging win!!
- If you do inadvertently start the process of being served a drink, make sure it's a large round and when it's finished order a pint of Guinness. You may have accidentally been served a drink but after a twatish move like that you'll be in no danger of getting a second one!
Follow these simple guidelines and you should have no problem avoiding getting served a drink. And if all else fails just talk to the staff like we're all retarded morons cos that will remove all problems; and also your presence from the establishment...!
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