What's In A Name?

Seeing as I got married last year I’ve had to go through the process of changing my name on pretty much every piece of paper in existence. Seriously you guys out there are lucky you don’t need to and I’m learning how smart women who keep their maiden name are!!! The list is endless and every time you think you’ve done everything yet another rears it’s ugly head.

My latest one has been my credit card. I realised when I got a recent statement that it was still addressed to my maiden name so I phoned them and requested the change to my married name. I was assured this had been processed without an issue and was now all sorted. So I decided, foolishly as it turns out, to assume that they’d actually done what they said.

Fast forward to my next statement which arrived a couple of days ago. Well they got the “Mrs” part right, and my first name was accurate, but then I suddenly had a “P” for a middle initial and my surname remained unchanged at my maiden name. Well done, a spectacular fail there then people…!

So I phoned them back to explain the situation and thought this would be easy to fix! First I explain what had happened and that my surname still needed changing and they needed to remove the P as a middle initial. The woman on the phone then asked me to confirm my full name. So I did. She said that wasn’t what they had on the system… I pointed out, still rather politely, that this was the reason for my call as they’d managed to get it wrong previously. So she asked me to confirm my previous name, so I told her my full name prior to marriage only to be told I’d got my middle name wrong. I pointed out that as my middle name starts with an “L” and they’d changed it to “P” that it was hardly surprising that this wasn’t what was on their system. She got very confused and put me on hold, no doubt to scurry off to her manager and ask them to deal with this “very awkward lady and her damnable name”!

I sat on hold for about five minutes and had just about started deliberating over whether or not I should hang up when she came back on the line. I was told that my name had been updated and saved on their system and that a new card had been ordered and would be sent out to me. Fantastic says I, can we just confirm the name on my card?

Mrs. Firstname L Maidenname Marriedname

I think I’m just going to cry now….

Good Morning...?!

What's a strange thing to see in the morning in your opinion? I mean how odd and out of place does something have to be first thing for you to notice it? I've found personally that since I've started writing this I'm paying more attention, I'm looking for the odd. Sometimes however absolutely no looking is necessary, the odd finds you! This morning it most certainly found me, in fact it pretty much dressed itself up as a clown (PS - I hate clowns, they're inherently creepy...) and came running at me screaming and waving it's hand over it's head.

As I stood at the bus stop, fervently hoping for a better display of punctuality than yesterday and yes I had a glass or two last night, I saw someone walk out of the entrance to my block of flats. I didn't really think much of it, after all I'm sure other people live there too, but then I noticed he was wearing slippers, pyjama bottoms and a dressing gown... Very warm looking dressing gown but let's face it you don't expect to see it worn as a top at half seven on a cold morning in the street!

He cheerfully said good morning and was waving at the cars going past and then he walked down the street, around the next corner and vanished. Maybe I should be more worried about my neighbours?!

I figured it couldn't get much stranger in the dress department until I arrived at Paddington Station to be confronted by three people collecting for charity. One dressed as a tiger, one a fairy and one as Super Mario... Yep, the weird is saving me some time today and definitely finding me!

Little Moments of "Really?!"

I thought I'd do a post of things that, although they didn't give me enough of a thought process for a full post, still made me laugh and I feel are worth sharing.

The guy on the bus who tried to use a London travelcard for a bus journey in Surrey. When the bus driver pointed out it was a London ticket and the guy looked confused he was receiving of clarification by a great answer. "We're not in London..?" after which the poor bloke looked not only confused but in fear of being lost!

The guy on the tube carrying the bright pink suitcase. I couldn't help but laugh until I saw the very attractive woman behind him lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. Hmmm, that'd be hers he's nicely carrying for her then... Once again assumption has kicked my ass!

The woman on the train earlier in the week who's clothing combo of green, yellow, orange and purple made her look like she'd been bitch slapped by a packet of fruit pastilles. Mmmmm, fruit pastilles...

The woman opposite me on the Underground with a virtual explosion of fabric round her neck masquerading as a scarf, there's enough material there to drown half the carriage in wool! She looked hot, and not in the attractive way!

I'm sure others will occur to me and I'll share them in time but I thought it only fair to share my "mini sinners" with you all.

New Name, Same Sarcasm

The observant amongst you may have noticed that the name of my little corner of the blogiverse has changed. The initial name was just a bit of a rush job, and not a good one at that!

Seeing as I found out today that I could change it, that and a friend was somewhat obvious in his gentle hinting to change it, I thought it was a good idea. I should point out however that said friend's "gentle hinting" basically involved him saying "good blog, pish title", so we're talking gentle in terms of sledgehammer proportions here! Regardless he had a point, so thanks for kicking my arse into doing what needed to be done!

So now I'm all rebranded I feel rather shiny and new, I like the fact that now my title and context match. This is my record of the sinners against sanity I enjoy the company of on a daily basis after all! Keep it coming London, I love you for my daily moments to randomly smile about!! 

OAT's (Old Aged Terrorists)

On occasion I take the bus to the train station in the morning, for one of a couple of possible reasons. Maybe I've hurt my foot, or I'm running late but more often than not it's because I had a couple of glasses of wine the night before... This morning, as much as I'd like to deny it, it was due to imbibing of well aged grape juice...
As it turned out, lousy idea. The bus was running horrendously late which has the delightful knock on effect of me miss my train and being late for work. There's nothing I find quite so irritating first thing than knowing it doesn't matter what you do, you have no chance of making it to work on time, I am now a victim of the transport system timetable.

Anyway, whilst waiting for the bus a veritable motley crew of other prospective passengers also made their way to the bus stop, one of which was a very sweet looking little old lady. When the bus finally wound it's way to us I politely stood back so she could board first. She showed her bus pass to the driver who told her they aren't valid before nine o'clock and, apparently deciding it wasn't worth the fare, she got back off the bus and started to walk off. As I bought my ticket the driver piped up with

"Every morning one of them tries it on like that, they know they can't use those passes till nine!!"

What on earth does he think is going on?! Are they somehow stealth activists plotting to bring down the transport network by flooding all forms of public transport with oldies illegally using their bus passes at commuter time?! I know people worry about terrorist attacks but I think, just possibly, they're looking in the wrong place!

Phone Bingo

It is a very simple and universal fact, that I have noticed in my relatively extensive experience, that whenever a mobile phone rings, bleeps or makes any other noise it is impossible for people not to check their phone.

A random ringtone pierces the relative silence and almost every person fishes their phone out of their pocket (or bag, or briefcase or whatever other hiding place they've stashed it) and stares at it intently to see if it was theirs that went off. It actually doesn't matter if it sounds utterly nothing like their ringtone, after all some impish and mischievous person (known or unknown) may have stolen our phone for the ten seconds it'd take to change the sound settings and then obviously has returned it to the exact spot in which you left it...

Why do we all check though? Is it a desperate attempt to look interesting, a burning desire to be popular, or do our brains just not work quick enough to tell us not to look and we're all trying to cover it up?

Speaking of people stealing your phone, this habit we all have of checking our phones upon hearing one could well give rise to a cunning plot being hatched by evil and nasty thievy type people. After all, in order to get every person in a two mile radius to put their phone out on display for you to peruse and snaffle, all you'd have to do is get someone to call you...! Now does the fact I've thought of that make me a conscientious person enlightening you on phone safety, or the evil thievy genius who's out to pick a pocket or two?

So who's up for a game of bingo...?

The Reverse Tardis

Yep, smaller on the inside than the outside, also known as the seats on a Southwest Trains train... And you'd have to be close on Doctor Who to work out just how anyone decided the damn things were big enough!

I can fit quite comfortably in one of their train seats, which is all well and good, up until the moment that a man sits down either side of me.... Now I'm really not being rude, so please don't take it that way. I'm not saying men are fatter, but they are on the whole broader... This being generally accepted, or at least acceptable, there is under no circumstances any likelihood of three people fitting across the three seats available!

Which is how I found myself sat on a train this evening on my way out of Waterloo trying and struggling to breathe while a lovely friend of mine sat opposite giggling to herself, there's something so truly warming about that genuine and heartfelt feeling of sympathy for your fellow man... Remind me next time to take the better seat and let her deal with the slow drowning between two big lads, though of course that's subject to change should they prove to be cute...! ;-)