Complaints Letter

After my previous posting/rant at the delightful souls at Play.com a friend of mine very kindly drafted a letter of complaint for me. Now I don't think it's quite right for actually being sent but due to it being so funny that it reduced me to tears I thought I'd better share. Enjoy peeps and thanks Mr L!


To whom it may concern,

This is my order number: xxxxxxxxx. Please ensure this is written down correctly by your good selves, I would hate for it to be read incorrectly and for it to be confused with someone who actually RECIEVED their package!

Ok... lets begin. I am writing to you with regard to the above order that I placed some time in June. The service I have recieved to date is quite frankly appalling. I am more than happy to go through the list of events below. I trust you will stay awake during this as it is very important to me that it is read, digested, acted upon and not deleted. I would also like this letter to be read by those who can actually do something, not by some office person who is on work experience.

It all started one evening back on 30th June 2011 when I was browsing your site. I was elated to see you had (in stock I might add) a DVD of Series 5 of "Ghost Whisperer". I promptly entered my bank card details and placed my order. I was glad that my hard earned money was being spent on such a fantastic DVD and with free postage, I couldn't go wrong! ... hahahaha (oh sorry, excuse the sarcastic laughing, it is too early in the letter for that.)

On the 2nd July 2011, I recieved an email notification stating that my DVD had been posted. Not long now until I could sit down with my favourite bottle of wine ( I prefer a Pino Grigot whilst watching DVD's... it makes the whole experience that much more fulfilling). I was like a young girl at Christmas, waiting for the postperson to come and deliver the DVD to my workplace. Everytime I saw a Post Office van pull up, I was at the window... but alas... it wasn't to be ...

After 3 weeks of harrassing the postperson for my DVD, I resigned myself to the fact that it has got lost in the post. I decided to contact Play.com and find out where it had gone. The wine was still on ice. So, on the 29th July 2011, I contacted your company and I requested a from that I needed to complete. It was a generic reply that I got saying that you would post the forms to me. It wasn't very personal, it didn't offer apologies, it was just, well, an email. Anyway, I waited another few days for the form to arrive. I am sure you must have been busy sorting out the summer rush so I was extremely patient (although, that was wearing thin by now).

On the 5th August 2011, I sent you ANOTHER email saying that nothing had arrived. Still no DVD and now NO forms.... sigh, what is a girl to do....... I recieved an email back from that generic boring person saying that you are extremely busy and it make take up to 3 days to get back to me (surely you meant three weeks not days!?!)

I had by now, decided to drink the wine. This was the first of many I could have consumed whilst waiting for my DVD to arrive. I am not an alcoholic, but I enjoy a glass or two.

So ... the 9th August 2011 had arrived. I thought now I would take it to the next level and actually phone you. I know, it's a big step, but I am sure you were MORE than competent enough to deal with a phonecall.... hahaha (oh dear, there it goes again, that sarcastic laugh). Anyway, I was told that you would resend the forms.

On the 11th August 2011, I got the forms. Yes, I know, I can hear the applause as well. I promptly filled them in and sent them back on the same day. Something that is yet to reach Play.com.

The 16th August 2011 came and went, as did my postperson (still with no DVD...). So .. I emailed you yet again. I enquired as to where my replacement was. I got no answer. How rude I thought, as I opened another bottle of wine.

Can you see how I am getting fed up typing now as each event gets less and less.... I am getting bored, frustrated and slightly tipsy with all this damn wine I have been drinking. Anyway, I am going off track. Back to the epic story. (I am thinking of writing a book about my experiences. Although if you sell it for me, I doubt anyone would get a copy.

24th August 2011.... I phoned your good(!) selves again. I was told that you had got the completed forms and that it was being processed... YES!!! RESULT!!! I was finally getting somewhere.... The person I spoke to said that the replacements department were busy (why do I totally believe them!) and that there will be a delay blah blah blah usual rubbish. But hey, you had my forms, what could possibly go wrong!!!!!

Dear diary, it is now the 6th September 2011. Oh wait, no sorry, wrong story. I phoned you AGAIN asking where my DVD was. I had forgotten the title by now. I was told that the forms you sent were incorrectly completed and that there was a page missing. Errr NO! I filled in every page you sent. It was agin, YOUR error that you missed a page off. I spoke to a nice chap called James. He was ever so nice. Polite, sympathetic and he was more than willing to help.  I should have asked if he wanted to deliver it to me personally. As least it would have arrived with a smile! He sent me out some more forms to fill in.  I sent them back that same day. How efficient am I!!! You could do with having me in charge of your place, it would run like clockwork! I asked for confirmation that you recieved them.. and guess what!! (in a very excited voice) ... NOTHING. Not a reply, confirmation ... NOTHING. My inbox was empty. I was beginning to get a complex that you didn't like me. I also spent 30 mins on the phone talking to you lot.

It is now the 7th September 2011 and I called AGAIN to find out what was going on and to get a timeframe etc. Can you imagine my ANGER when you told me you no longer supplied the item, but I can get it from the buy/trade site for less money. You told me I can have a full refund ( but I bet that won't include a reimbursement for my phone bills, internet use and time wasted using these devices of communication). I was at work or I would have opened another bottle of wine.

I asked for an address where I can write to and complain. I was told you don't have one! Do you all work in a field? Do you work on a secret island? Oooh, I hope it's hot and sunny because when I hand deliever my letter, I will be expecting a cocktail and my own personal waiter... Anyway, you tell me to use the "request" section should I wish to complain. Do I want to complain still? Ummmmmm HELL YEAH I DO!

So, to summarise. I ordered. You failed to deliver. You failed to answer correspondance. You failed to read simple forms. You failed to email me back with progress. You failed to update me. You failed to tell me you are an appalling compnay with bad work ethics.

I would like to know what happens now. Will I get my refund? Will I have to fight to get that as well? I am waiting with nervous tension to see who is the bravest and reply to me. I think it is time for a bottle of wine. Lets see what my followers think of my online blog regarding the service I have recieved (or lack of it!). I am sure they will be enthrawled to learn how such a large company can treat a customer so poorly. I am sure they will rush to their computers and order from you .... or shall I be nice and tell them that you have redeemed yourself? Only you can decide. I look forward to a reply within 7 (seven, sieben, siete, septum, hepta, nana, sju ... thats seven in various languages. Seeing as you don't have an address, you could be in any country in the world so I thought I would cover all bases!) working days. Have you ever seen Watchdog on BBC1? It's very good, it's all about companies who treat their customers badly. I watched it the other night whilst consuming more wine.

Yours sincerely 

Mrs P